A Heart In Multiple Places

I had somebody ask me, "What do you do when your heart is in two different places?" I told that somebody to go get that Usher CD Here I Stand and listen to Track # 4 Lol. On a more serious note this is a situation that all single people face at one point in time or another. Most likely, when your single you have more than one person that your attracted to and vice versa so we find ourselves in the situation more times then not. In my opinion I think it best to be honest not only with yourself, but also with the people you have strong feelings for no matter how many it is. I think it's best to let everything take it's course, don't force anything. It is important to take it slow, allow each person to get to know you, the real you. I think what a lot people do in these situation is try to be pimps, players, and all that other mess society got us thinking is cool. That not only hurts you, but it also hurt the people in which you are talking to. What we shouldn't do is mis-lead anybody. What I mean by this is be too aggressive, telling them what they want to hear, trying to go for the gold too fast, or hit a homerun on the first pitch. Put away all the young people stuff like, spitting/having game, playing games, using people just to get what you want or what you can out of them. I think it important to stress the fact that we shouldn't punish people for liking us. I personally have been in some situations where I liked a person and I let that be known. Some people, for some reason thinks because someone likes them, that person suppose to do as they say when they say, give them what they want when they want it to show how much they really like them. If that person don't obey or do these things, then they question if you really like them or not. This is not only wrong, but it is also unfair to the person who likes you. I can say with me, when I face this situation I grew to dislike the person a lot more then how much I liked them. I know a lot of what you reading is telling you what not to do, reason being is that i'm no relationship therpist, expert or nothing like that, all I can say is that in my opinion I think the best thing we can do in that situation is just be honest with all the people that you have a strong liking for. Be up front with them, make sure you and each individual has a clear understand of what kind of relationship/friendship ya'll have that way there is no confusion, and it cancel out the chances of the situation getting too complicated. As far as how to go about the multiple situation or relationships/friendships, it true you can't control who you like. With that said, I think patients is the most important thing. Be patient with your situation, let everything takes it course and hopefully you'll figure out the one that likes you must, and the one person that you likes most and go from there. These situations are tuff for all. They never really ends all good, somebody is bound to have hurt feelings at the end of the day. There is a way to lighten the pain one will have to endure, and thats by making sure that everyone involved in the situation has a CLEAR understand of whats going on, and also is not to lead to believe something thats not true.

Starting a Family

Who's to say when the right age to start a family??? I guess it all depends on what your opinion is. Majority say between 25 and 30. I use to say the same thing until I got grown, and able to provide for a child in every way. Now at 21, I can say that I'm ready to have my first child. Make no mistake, I'm not out her trying to get a girl pregnant. I'm ready but there is no girl in my life that I can share that blessing with. I want my situation to be totally different from which we are use too. It seems that now days everybody got kid/s. So much that, I sometimes look at it as a bad thing. Then I remember that it not the fact of having a baby that's bad, it the fact that there so many single parents that's bad. If I was to have a baby here in 2010, I would be joyful, happy, and blessed. That's unlikely doe considering the fact that I'm single, and has no girls in my radar that I can say is a potential to be the mother of my child. Yes, there is a girl or girls that I has a liking for, and that i could see myself with, but that's the difference between, mother of my child and baby mama. I don't know what God has in store for me, but if it was in my control I would want to be with a girl that I love and in love with before I have my first child. Sad to say, but in this day and time it's so many kids that comes into this world with parents that barely know each other, or just was "having a good time and made a mistake". There also is many people that where in love when they had kid/s and just broke up, but there are more that was "slip ups" people may not admit it, because they don't want to look at they kid/s as mistakes but it is what it is, that don't mean the love you have for them is any less. You never know what the situation is, most of us don't know what the situations was when we ourselves was created, I admit that I don't. My mama had three kids before she meet my step dad, that she has been with for 16 years (13 married). All i can tell you is that me and my younger brother has the same dad that my ma was at one time married too, and my older brother has a different dad that my ma was never married too. If there's one thing in life that scares me to death, it's the thought of having a "slip up". I can say that I will never have a "slip up", but you never know that's why it's called what it's called. I can say that I try to carry out all the pre cautions to avoid the situation, even if it mean not jumping on every opportunity I get to have sex with somebody unlike other people. My two brothers are 24 and 18(march 11, 2010), so were all grown. If you ask me, my ma can't wait to be a grandma, she is the last of her siblings to be a grand parent, but we were also taught that there is a right time, and a right way to reproduce and have a kid. I'm sure she rather wait to we are comfortable, and ready to have kids to become a grandma. Nobody can say when that will be, we're all single and have more important things to do and accomplish in life before we get married and have kids. My brothers and I have no way of knowing who will be the mother of are kids, I'm sure who ever the lucky women may be, will be happy, and thankful to have us as fathers, because we we're raised with good morals, and you ladies can thank my ma for that. So whats the ideal age to start a family???? In my opinion I guess when the times is right, rather that be at 25 or 45 you have to take in consideration of the seriousness of this situation, and the best way to bring a kid into the world. My ma would say the best way is as a married couple that's in love and plans to be together to death do us part!

One move equals a good off-season for Cincinnati Reds and fans!

The words is pretty much out! That word been that the Cincinnati Reds sign arguably the best free agent on the market. Yes, you heard right the Cincinnati Reds. It not every year that we create shock waves in the MLB. With the signing of Aroldis Chapman, as a Cincinnati Reds fan i can say that in my opinion this off season was a success. It not a common thing that the Reds send shock waves through the MLB in the off-season, it actually a rare thing. Coming into this off season the Reds management made it pretty clear that they wasn't going to be doing much of anything in the off season, which is why the move to acquire this kid is a shock to everybody in the baseball world. Not only did they bring in a young talented guy, this guy can make an impact this season for this team. He's a big linky lefty with a mid 90's heater that has touch 100 mph many times and he has a developing curveball, slider, and change up. Developing is the key word here. His heater is solid every one knows that, it comes down to how well the Reds organization can develop the rest of his pitches. I'm pretty sure working with Mario Soto here in the next couple months he'll have a big league change up, considering the fact that Soto to this day has the best change up baseball has ever seen. What about the rest of his pitches? I think the kid will be good, what scares me as a fan is that, we will make the same mistake that we made with young Homer Bailey. As bad as I want to see this kid pitch in the opening week, the last thing i want is for him to be rushed and smacked around, let's not forget this is the major leagues ans grant it they have some good players come out of Cuba, like the kid said "the best players around the world come to play in the MLB." I'm hoping all turns out good with Chapman, it can only mean great things for the Reds in the future. Unfortunately with this signing, i believe it just eliminated any hope that we will keep Bronson or Harang after this last year in both their contract. It still is possible that we can keep one of the two but certainly not both, I see both of them being out of Cincinnati by this time 2011. If they have good seasons this year it's possible they can be some good trade bait come mid-season. Signing Chapman hurts fans as well believe it or not. Not in a bad way, but just think if Volquez didn't need tommy john last year, How about this rotation- Volquez, Harang, Arroyo, Cueto, Chapmen- Sounds pretty good huh? Pretty good only if you can get Harang and Arroyo to play up to their potential, and don't forget about Bailey. Overall, this is by far one of the best, smartest, and riskiest moves the Reds have made in a very long time, this Organization has a lot of potential all-around. Unfortunately there still a couple years away from being true contenders, but I can proudly say they are making progress! Pitchers report in a little more than a month and a half and it gone be a buzz in Goodyear Arizona all spring, for a change it actually for our Cincinnati Reds!

Bengals Struggles, not Carson's fault

As we know the Bengals was Eliminated from playoff contention this past Saturday, which pushes us to 19 playoff games since our last playoff victory or is it 20? I don't know it not a stat no Bengal fan wants to keep up with. When you fail or lose, outsider like us, the fans always look for somewhere to point the finger, someone to put the blame on. I guess if i made a poll question, asking who blew the game for the Bengals, Shayne Graham would probably get the most votes. Yes, he may deserve it but come on is he really to blame? Yes, he blew two chip shots but we never should have been in neither situation, maybe the one at the end of the half, but not the one in the forth quarter. Besides Graham, suprisingly, to me anyway, the second-to-most guy they put the blame on was Carson Palmer. Carson may have not had the best game but, it safe to say without Carson we wouldn't have even been in contention for the playoffs, let alone a 4 seed. I like to think that i know the game fairly well! People i hear saying that elbow uch about football, all they know is highlights and what they see on espn. To understand why Carson struggle, you have to go to the drawing board, you have to go inside the games. It's easy to expect the Carson from 2005, it's also easy to say last years injury to the elbow of Carson is to blame for the drop in numbers. Carson elbow is perfectly fine, i forgot he even hurt it, and you can't expect the same Carson from '05, because this is a totally different Bengal team. This is a running Bengal team, '05 was a spread throwing Bengal team. Carson is having problems because he has no WR to throw the ball too. Yes, he has Chad, but Chad is not a guy that can be that main guy, Chad needs help, as in T.J. and Henry to reach his top potential. Also when you have to throw out of a 2 and 3 WR set with no deep threat, even the best QB in the league will struggle. Not to mention having no TE that you can trust to catch the ball for you. If the Bengals TE are not stationary there no good, hopefully that will change next year when Chase Coffman is ready. Saturday the whole game, the jets didn't do much blitzing at all, i guess the 2 sacks, both in the 4th quarter proves that fact. No blitzing mean they were dropping 6 people most of the time 7 in some cases. Any quarteback will struggle throwing to 3 recievers against 6 and 7 defenders and thats what happen saturday and mostly all year against Carson Palmer. Bottom line is this, Carson is easily a top 5 QB in the NFL, he is a Franchise QB and atleast 20 other NFL teams would love to have him. He is a Pro, The inventer of the Cardiac Catz in my opinion the 4th quarter comebacks alone show Carson's worth to this franchise, Cincinnati Fans need to be thankful, and greatful for This guy, cause rather you like it or not he is the face, the leader, and this team. It start with him!

Holdouts

Every new season for the NFL, you always get a hand full of guys hold out for a bigger paycheck, or more money. Regular ole Joe like you and me always ask the question why? We all know the reason is to get more money in most cases. What really amazing is when you get these unproven rookies holding out of training camp for more money. This year we all know about the Michael Crabtree story, and you also had Andre Smith hold out until the start of the season. We'll get to them two later, first lets look at the concept of holding out as a whole. First off, all athletes need to start realizing how much of a privilege and a blessing it is to be able to play professional sports. I understand all the hard work, time, and dedication it takes to get there, but professional athletes will always be the most overpaid workers in America. There are people in the world that will play professional sports for a fraction of the athletes make today. Yeah, of course these people won't be as good as the athletes you see on TV, but the point is that it a privilege and a blessings to be a professional athlete. Holdouts are mostly common in football, you rarely here about holdouts in the other two major sports(Baseball,Basketball). NFL rookies usually enter the league making, if not more, just as much as future hall of fame veterans, so for them to holdouts is just mind boggling to me. Michael Crabtree was only on the big radar his last couple years in college, don't get me wrong the kid can play football, but let's face it the NFL is a whole different animal then college football. I mean look at Reggie Bush, this guy was arguably one of the best players that ever step on a college football field, but look at him now. Crabtree wants more money than a guy that was pick before him, dude that makes no sense. Yes you may have had better college stats, but he make for a better pro prospect. As far as this Andre Smith character go, look I'm a SEC guy, Tennessee Volunteers,this dude never been as good as all the hype he got in my opinion, this guy has had weight issues, left the combine early, and also cut the private workout short. It would take a team like the Bengals to draft him. Mark my word "this guy will never be worth the top 5 pick he was taken! He will never make a pro bowl, and never be a factor on anybody NFL offensive line." This is the same dude that broke his foot two days after signing in a non-contact drill. Is that what we call being in shape now days? He supposedly had been working out alone while he was holding out, yeah right! He will by far be the bust of the '09 class!

Tricky Reds, Careless Owner

Hi, John Dunn. as baseball season comes to an end, people that are reds fans tend to always be excited about the reds at the end of the season. it every year the reds finish the season very strong and have the beloved fans like you and me excited about next year! Once this year the reds are one of the hottest teams in baseball since mid-august, unfortunately there not playing for anything but self-pride and dignity, but all and all they are one of the hottest teams in the league right now. This is starting to be unfair, every year they do this, but i can comfortably say that, reds fan do have something to be excited for, the young talented core we have, and all the young kids in the farm system, if this team keep going in the direction their going in as far as personnel, we can be competing for at least a wild card spot next year, if not the central division. Today, the only thing that's going to hold them back is a money hungry owner that they have. This guy is all about making the dollar not putting a winning product on the field. If you ask me it very disrespectful to all the fan and past great that been apart of this organization. The rich baseball tradition this city carries you would think that just out of respect of the tradition winning would be the main goal, not with this guy. It seems to me that if you put a contending team out on the field that wins you would make more money anyway, I'm not a owner but that seems like basic logic. Think about it, you ever go to a game?? Yeah seat may not be expensive especially in Cincinnati, but you pay for it when you go to the concession stands. No quality food is under 5 dollars, drinks are just around 5 dollars, and lets not even talk about alcohol. Prime example of how money hungry our owner is; we play a good team like Boston or the yanks, these tickets are not sold as single game tickets like all the other games instead you have to buy them in packages. In order to get A ticket to one them games you must buy tickets for two additional games. That's not right, in fact i think it down right wrong, what about the fans that middle to lower class that can't afford these package deal, these people are some of the most dedicated fans, but most of the owners across the world is heartless old people who just look for ways to get richer, they can care about the fans or actual producing a winning baseball team. I'm a big fan so i have to deal with all the dis likes of the reds and the organization and just keep cheering for my team!

You ain't perfect

There's an important topic that made me re-open my blog notebook. Like most post, it deals with not only boys, not only girls, but both mostly females might i add. Too many times, people judge off what a person got. What is one of the most famous lines, usually for females??? "I don't want a man that still live with his mama." I think somebody need to speak upon this topic. I'm 21 years old and yes i do still with my ma. Is that the worst thing in the world? I also have a 24 year old brother that still at home with my ma, so what. It not hard to believe that we both have been shoot'd down multiple time for that reason alone. Yes, it true that overall there are more adults males then adult females that still live at home with mom. Let really seriously understand why this is. In most cases it mainly because the simple fact that you girls get to grown for your parents, you forget how to respect them moms especially, and can't get alone with them so your basically leaving only cause you can't get alone with your mom. I mean it not like you always want to leave, or that you can even afford to leave. So many occasion I went to a girl house, grant it she has her on place, but most the time it not furnished, she sleeping on a air bed, and the fridge is practically empty, now is this really living??? So many girls on section 8 or some kind of assistant living, but quiet to stick their chest out and yell that they have their on place. I must be honest i also know girls that pays full rent, has very very nice things in their house, furnish, and cook two and three course meal 3 and 4 nights a week, but thats very very few. I also been turned down by girls because of the car or lack of quality car that i have. No, i don't have a car with rims, or a benz, 08 or 09 model vehicle, so what in most cases the girl don't have a car at all. I guess it just a female thing but, they have the tendencies to set what we call double-standards, or standards that they are unable to meet themselves. How can you expect something out of a person that you don't expect out of yourself and that goes for girls and boys? I understand Wanting something good and a man/female that has more than the usual, but you should want more for yourself personally, not living off the standards you set for him/her. I never understand why we judge people off the material things. What ever happen to getting to know a person, guess that just another one of them thing that society turn us away from. No i don't have my own place, no i don't have what you would consider a nice car, but i do have a dream, a goal in mind, and a passion to be successful, a plan, a career path, and thats more than most man out here have. I have been taught that people that judge you on material things, are people you need to stay away from. It so common now days, everybody look at you for what you got. The reason guys do what they do, everybody try hustle, and try to get fast cash, is to stunt, flose, buy the big wheels and nice car, they only do these things to get girls. It so sad, the power of pussy control guys, it just amazing. Black males never have a good career path, a solid plan. It be a rapper, sell drugs or a professional athlete. All get rich schemes. Not to get too far off topic, but For example, out of 40 Fire student at cincy state i was the only black in the class of 09. It's not that black guys don't want to be fireman, i have took guys to sign up personally, but their mostly turned away because they have a criminal background, from back in there younger days. Doing stupid shit without thinking, falling into the trap of society! So Sad! I can be a great guy, my older brother is a great guy, and i know we miss out on great girls, for the simple fact we still live at home with my ma. For the most part we get alone pretty well with my parents, and my parents don't want us to leave. When i think about what advantage do we get out of moving out. To impress you girls?????????? No! Not never we was raise a lil better than that. We was taught that we have to put ourselves first, and take care of us, before we take care of somebody else PROPERLY. That's why i don't have any kids yet how many 21 year old guys can say that? I believe that one of the reason my brother don't have kids either. Seriously we get no gain out of moving out. Staying home, we can stay focus, it one less bill we have to worry about, we can properly be a good role model to our baby brother. Living at home ain't as bad as people make it out to be. Just because i live at home still don't make you any more independent, sucessful, or better than me. All it tells me is society controls your life a lil more, or that you had problems at home that didn allow you to have the luxury to stay home. I have older friends, and know some very very successful people that didn't leave home well into their mid 20's. People say "you never get a woman or be able to maintain a woman living at home." If living on my own is what a girl that i want to be my woman, than i rather be single the rest of my life, i understand the concept of relationship and the privatious yall may need, but again the point im in right now im trying to get to the point where i can comfortably take care of myself, comfortable rent a home, comfortably drive and maintain that really nice car. Live without food stamps, section 8, or assistance living. All that stuff is fine but please don't pretend like you do everything you do without government assistance. My ma told us as long as we doing something constructive in life in striving to a quality and realistic goal and career, that we never have to leave. With that said im leaving no time soon, and any girl that dis-approve, or is turn off by that, good keep it moving, i want die!

Jungle Fever

Seem like this is becoming a hot topic slowly but surely. It a topic i don't mind speakin on because it actually one that carries a big To be honest i have lost friends because of my interest level in white girls. Most of the friends i have lost because of this was females friends, black women. I can never understand what the problem is, i mean i know why most black women don't approve of it no matter what bull shit excuse yall give me, when i ask. After reading this i might even lose more friends, but quietly you people that don't want to be my friend because of my interest in white girls truely wasn't my friend in the first place. Also jus because your not my friend i want die i be ok. Yes, it true i do have a strong interest in white women, i wouldn't say that it stronger than the interest i have in blacks, it kind of equal honestly. Rather black women will say it true or not, the reason they don't approve of it is nothing but jealous. The site of a black men with a white women hit them in the heart, and don't let it be a good black men. Honestly, i haven't always took interest in white women, it honestly came to me as i got older and mature into a man, that i actually started to talk to white women. The lack of quality black women of my generation out in the world today is a big reason for more interracial dating we see today, from a man prospective anyway. Society and how black women let, society raise them is why there so few good black women. understand that this is all my opinion, and it may not be what you want to here, but it is what i believe to be true. Black women today has no morales and so little respect for them selves and the people that raise them or gave birth to them. Every one them one to be this diva, or 5 star chick, instead of just being there self. They find they selves really trying to be something they ain't. Use guys jus to try to see what they can get from MULTIPLE guys. Make no mistake about there are white women out here thats the same way. The main difference between the two usually just come down to the way white women carry themselves. It different, yea they have issues, face it we all do. Nobody is perfect, we all have flaws. Example, white women can be independent in how they walk, talk, and live there life, black women have to scream it every chance they get. Most white women are goal driven and actually have career plans, it hard to find a black woman that actually once something in life, other than a guy to take care of them. Yeah, there are black women in school, just like white women but the difference is that black women think they should be rewarded for it, it so uncommon in the black community that they forget that, that's what they pose to do they pose to be in school trying to do something with their life and a degree is your reward for that. I can go on and on with this topic it might be a part two if im not mobbed by black women and killed when i go back in public. Bottom line is, good man want whats best for them especially when it come to their other half. If that mean they have to go to the other side to get it then so be it, it there decision. Black women i love you, i really do, i also would love to be with a black women, but i can see finding a good one is almost impossible now day. Yes it a shame but it reality, the same way that i know it hard for yall too find a good man now days it goes both ways. Man the black community is so messed up right now, but we have no one to blame but ourselves. Hopefully it time it get better, but right now it just don look good. The best advice i have is be open, give everyone a fair chance, white guys don't even think approach a black woman, because they are afraid, they believe they don't stand a chance, and i can see why. To be honest a white guy, is really what most our black women can use. Black women, please i beg you to stop saying we only choose white women because they're soft and we can run over them. Be that as it may what kind of man would i be to even run over a girl. That just not me, it not how i was raise. It not there soft, it just that they possess a good heart. A lot of black women hearts are scared from what men have did to them, so they too blind and protective of their heart to see a good men when he comes by. I hope it get betters, but don look at a black men in diguse when he with a white woman, trust me he's tried but been fuck over by your kind so much and jus feed up. i know i can't speak fa all black men but the ones i ask before written this say the same thing. Just respect him and his white friend, girlfriend, or wife. Just be happy for them and happy about the fact, that there happy.

Hear me out!

As a single man with not much experience with relationship a lot of pepole probably wonder how can i speak on relationships. Thats an answer i can't give you, but i will say that we all have a right to make an opinion. A lot of times i wonder what happen to all the good women in the world. Asking the question you recieve a lot of different answers. Not trying to make an excuse for women all around the world but what happen is the fellas. Make no mistake i don't put all the blame on fellas it also falls on Music/Tv. The music we listen too and the things we see on tv mis leads all of us. Music and Videos tells people to live a life that we can't live, it puts us in this fantasy world that these rich people live. it tells us not to be ourselves be something that we can't be. Now fellas, most fellas let rap music live their life for them. Guy's ain't shit i admit it, they prove that everyday. Guys are the reason there are so few good women out here. Guys take advantage of the fact that women are naturally soft, and they play with there fellings and they're hearts. A girl with a good heart meets a guy with a fuck'd up heart and a fuck'd up mentality and he turns that good heart to a cold one. It a shame but it also a reality, and it everywhere. I have guys in my family with girls, in my opinion great girls, but for some reason it seem like they can't do right with they girls. Now grant it i'm not with these girls or never benn wit they girls so i don't know everything that goes on. From what i see and what i know about these girls personality, these are really good girls. Girls that i would love to have, girls that i wish i can find out here in the world now days. Not impossible, but hard. Fellas if you find a good girl, jus behave. Is it really that hard? God has blessed you with a really good girl, treat her right, do right by her, treat her the way you expect a guy to treat your mother. I know girls that, just by talking to them, you can tell that inside they have good hearts, but you ask them about there past relationship you learn that past guys have did them so wrong, and you understand why they have such strong guard. Guys carry the mentality of being a player and having all the girls, then forget how to treat good girl. Ladies your not innocent, stop allowing guys to treat you this way. You fall in love with these guys and get so attached that you can't let go. You make yourself so vulnerable to be done wrong when you keep running back or allowing these guys to do this too you. Understand that you do have a good heart, and you do deserve better, and there are guys out there that would love to have you. Stop chasing guys that clearly don't want you or don't know how to treat you right. Ladies we're not dumb, we see that your stuck on us, and most guys use that to there advantage and use you, do things they know is not right, thats not what you approve of. Guys don't know how to appreciate that you like him enough to keep coming back after he's done bad once or twice, these guys ladies, you need to stay away from!!!! Please!!! For the few good women that left out there. Stay good please, protect your feelings, your heart and some good guy will eventually come your way i promise!

I know it hard! but you have to let it go!

I feel so sorry for people sometimes! You sit around and wait fa a person to come around that clear don't want to come around. Yeah, maybe once upon a time yall had a good relationship, and a happy healthy relationship, but once it's over you have to jus accept that fact and move on with life. Myspace, and facebook really just seem like ways, for people to express what the feel about a girl/boy, or how they miss and love him/her, just look at status and most of the time thats what you see. Love is tuff, and painful at the end, but dwelling on it and trying to get back, or hold on to somebody that don't want you is just sad. It's not just girls, it happens to guys too. It happen to me. My last girlfriend was somebody that was something like my first true love, but from day one she didn't belong to me, she carried the title as my girlfriend but that was just to get everything out of me that she could not like it was much cause back then i had nothing but gave her the best i could even doe it wasn't much it was all i had. This is not about my past experiences doe, my point is, at the end of our relationship, it was clear that, she didn't want it no more, clear to everybody but me. i sat around feeling sorry for myself and sweating this girl. My whole senior year and high school is something that to this day i never really wanna look back on. All the thing that pose to be memorable about senior year, was not to be for me all because of this girl, porm, senior trip, senior breakfast, senior dance, senior night, homecomings, pep rallys, all these things was jus things i never wanna remember all cause of this girl, and i regret that! To this day i don't like to look in my yearbook, or any senior pictures, because it reminds me of how i was feeling, sad right? I know. it funny because i was only 18. Look people your young, yes your not too young to have your heart broken, but understand that you will meet many more people, and have many more opportunities at love, if somebody dom't want you, just let it go. I know that healing takes time and it a process we don't want to go through. Lady's especially, i know you be so in love with these guys, i don't see how cause half of them don't even have career paths which is sad, but don't sweat these guys, all you do is leave yourself vulnerable, and open to be used, and most of the guys of the world now days love the opportunity to use a girls. Boys, and girls reading this i know it probably not the first time you heard this, when people try to tell you these things, don't get offend or look at as a way fa that person to try to get you away from him/her so they can try to be with you in most cases there just trying to help. Just let it go, moving on, do it for yourself, save your self the stress and pain, save your heart the ache, and depression. it make take time, but you have to let it go. Too much time dwelling, and waiting, can be a mistake, you end up with a scar'd heart and a guard so strong that YOU yourself can't take it down, trust me i know!

9/11

You know sometimes i wonder on september 11 2001, if i John Dunn would have had the ball to go in the towers? after the first fell if i had the ball to go in tower 2? it very easy to siy here and say yes, yes i would've. But quietly when i think to myself, i can't comfortably answer that question. When my department, brothers, and this piece of shit country i call a home needed me most would i froze up or would i have did what fireman do?????????? i can't say and that pisses me off! Where was i? had just turn 13 the day before sitting in a fucking social studies class, clowing, not knowing that i was bout to loose so many brothers, not knowing that somethin was about to take place that, would have a effect on me fa the rest of my life! can you imagine? Guys came out of tower 1 after the collapse and went into their death when they walked into tower 2! it is easy to ask what the hell was they thinking they should evacuated all fireman! No, Wrong! we had a fucking job to do and they tried to do? i never questioned how much i love the job never! there no question that this job is the love of my life! but the question of, if i'd went in on september 11, 2001 if i'd had the balls and the bravery, courage, and pride to go in??? That question world, i just can't honestly answer to myself, to you it a yes and always i will answer to you as yes, but when i ask myself that same question, there is no answer, and because of that i can't stand myself sometimes, because of that sometimes i can't look in the mirrior and identify myself, because of that people i will never be the fireman that i have dream to be since i was 5!

Bi-curious beauty queen.

In previous blogs, i have talk about how guys has turned all good girls into bad, and how we as guys play a major role in the extinction of good girls or women. Well, my point has been proven again. I know this girl, i have been knowing here since west hi days in 06. She has always been a beautiful girl, as far as look and all that good stuff. Even doe i tried to talk to her in high school she never really gave me the time of day. We recently ran into each other, been talking, and really hit it off from the start. I was pretty surprise that a girl like her was single, she is definitely a keeper for anybody. Talking to her now i realize, that not only is she beautiful on the outside, she even more beautiful on the inside. She is arguable the most all-around beautiful person i ever had the joy of knowing. Me and her have chilled often, we've been to eat, been to bar to have drinks, and jus sat up in the house and chill. From day one, i told her i never wanted nothing out of her, no relationship, no sex, nothing like that, all i wanted was to know her, and pretty much have the relationship that we have develop, and if any of the other stuff happens then fine, but i didn go into our relationship expecting them things. We recently sat down and had a heart to heart conversation, where i found out that she was bi-curious. This was shocking to me, because i never would have suspected it, I mean she 100 % girl, she sweet to me, when we out she don't look at girls like that, there was jus no signs that i was able to pick up. When she told me this, i wonder why???? So i ask, why? She told me that her last relationship was so so bad that it turned her away from guys. Out of respect to her, i want go into to details of what happen, and how everything went down, but take my word it was a pretty jack'd up situation, and a situation that will mess a girl up that was in love. I mean think about yourself women, how much would it take from a guy to turn you out??? And this is a girl that can seriously get any man she want and i bet a whole years salary on that, so you know it had to be serious. My point in writing this blog was to try to get answers, and try to get an understand from the fellas, how and why do we do these kind of things to, girls like this? Knowing that there are so limited amount, if you lucky enough to get one of the few, how could you jus throw it away like that. Granted nobody is perfect, not even this girl, and she will tell you that, i'm pretty sure that she created problems in the relationship as well. Personally i think a lil better decision making ablilty could've avoid a lot of what she went through, but fellas tell me how do you guys do it. Me, i ain't been the luckiest person when it come to having the chance with a good girl. Most of all the girls i talk to or talked to, was the exact opposite, they we're good at one point, but had already be hurt badly before they got to me, or somebody i talked to as a young buck, and they never accepted the fact that people change, and judge me off that 16 or 17 year old knucklehead i use to be. When God bless me with someone as half as good as this girl i be off the market for good. If i'm lucky, as time go by and we keep hanging, and kicking the way we do, maybe just maybe i can get this girl. I still need to know how you guys mess up such a good thing? I mean man, what is it, where are the problems coming from? Why do you guys create problems? Why do yall leave problems that exist unsolve? More imprtantly, why do you guys take this good girls and treating like crap and mess it up for the good guys. We all have our flaws no doubt, but the few i picked up from her in the lil time we been hanging out, are not that hard to deal with. Yes, it may have been a lil different in their relationship, but come on how big of a difference could it possible been? I mean seriously, if i thought you guys was interested i tell you all about her. In a sentence, She is Beautiful inside and out, independent in every which way, and most importantly you would never here her say "i'm independent or 5 star chick". When she is a perfect example of those things. Unfortunately her heart been hurt so bad by a few guys that she don't know if she want to ever talk to guys anymore. I can understand how she feel, and i can respect her even doe some people may not approve. She refuse to fall into the trap that society has put on males, and females, and turn into a person that she wasn't raised to be, so the only alternative that it is, is to go to girls. I get that. Now i'm here in the picture, and it hard fa me because i have to trained myself to not get too attached to this girl, thats kind of hard to do, cause i really like her, and i think she likes me too. She text me everyday, she ask how my day is, how work going, she cooks, don't judge me, she understand me. I don't no how to mend i shattered heart, i don't know how to repair that, so it all new to me now. I'm used to being on the other side of things, being the one with the damage heart. I do the best i can, i don't pressure her, i don't do what other guys do and try to have sex with her and stuff like that. I try to do things a lil differently then what she's used too, i try to be there when she's lonely, spend a night or two when she needs me too (AND NO I STILL DON'T TRY TO HAVE SEX WITH HER FA ANYBODY WHO WANTS TO KNOW.) It difficult for me because it all new for me. The best thing i know to do is be myself and see what happens. I just hope this girl comes back around, and it not for me, it more for herself, i'm not in the position to say what's best for her, but in my opinion i think she jus ran into a few bad experience and right now she's jus fed up! She told me that one day she do want to be married with kids, so that tells me that right now it jus a phase. Guys! Get it together man please, if not for yourself, do it for the women, do it for the people who raised you. Man we have to get it together guys, we have to do eveything in our power to try turn this thing back around, so girls like this are not so limited. We played a major role in messing it up, so let's fix it!