My Allure for Fame

When people ask me as a kid,  if i wanted to be famous and I said yeah, they ask why?

As I grew grown and did things that allowed me to travel and see the world and it's people, I discovered what's been within me forever.  For me it was only so I can have interesting conversations with people. You have to remember I'm just a black African America male who grew up in conservative a$$ Ohio,  most people around Ohio when I was growing up didn't look like me. And Even now people are not really interested in really opening up to have fierce in-depth conversation with someone who looks like me. So why be famous? $#it as a kid, I knew ALL people wanted to talk to famous people. 

Will and Jada

I've read Will's so it only makes logical sense that I dive into Jada's. I say logical because it's so easy to listen to others opinions, and fall into the bias of others online who not only hadn't read Will's but certainly haven't took time to get to know Jada, through her bio. I typically don't give energy to celebrate gossip. Will Smith for me, not only made me laugh as a teenager like many of us, but between his movies and following his spiritual path throughout my 20s to even now,  has really help shape me as a man. That makes this situation a little different. While Jada journey not so much had an effect on me, I definitely wanna give the compassion, and kindness to learn her story.

It's so easy to judge and throw stones,  that's all I've heard in the opinions from the internet investigators, but you never know when it can be you. Hell it's been many of you already, maybe not in the spotlight as this relationship has been, but the pains of relationship trauma, family drama, and divorce are all the same. My hope is that we can offer the compassion and kindness too each other when our lives are changing as they constantly do.

We're hard on others because we're hard on ourselves, we're hard on ourselves which make us hard on others. I'm looking forward to learning Jada's story. 

3 Big Q's For Life Happiness

Three questions determine 99% of the happiness in your life:

1) What am I working on and why?

2) Who am I spending my time with and why?

3) How well am I treating my body and why?

Everything else is noise.

I challenge you to answer these questions for yourself, rank your answer from strongest to weakest, and finally, do something to make the weakest just a little bit stronger.

1) What am I working on and why?

 A lot of the time this question triggers people's inner worth based on their profession or whatever they do to make a living, for me it triggers something different, something deeper. When I read this question, what comes to mind for me is, what can I work on to become a better person, or a less shittier human being each day. 

-Be a better listener- There's this thing about listening, did you know you can learn so much more by listening instead of speaking? I feel like in today's world, people feel the need to have the loudest voice, and the loudest opinion and in turn don't do a lot of listening. These days I thrive on being the quiet guy, not just for silence's sake, but so I can be involved with the people I interact with and listen to them. I don't know if this is news to you, but we humans love to talk about ourselves, but because everyone is talking, nobody is listening. Be the listener, my friend, being the listener makes you more likable to the rest of the world who's too busy talking to you about themselves.

-In the word of my man Mark Manson, I'm trying to control the "fucks" I give out. The Motto is to control what you can control and fuck the rest! Seriously, so much stuff that happens in our lives is out of our control, I am working on just not applying emotions to so much of the stuff around me. Stress is a killer, minimize it as much as possible in your life and you'll be better off for it. Half the shit we give our 'fucks' to, in the grand scheme of things, really doesn't matter.

-Relationship(s)! Oh, it's the big one, the R-word. No, this ain't necessarily about intimate relationships with a woman, this is about the most relationship you'll ever have in your life, and that's the relationship with yourself! It bothers me sometimes that it took me til my mid-thirties to understand the importance of a relationship with oneself. The relationship with yourself will be one that your forever working on throughout life as things change around you, and you, yourself change. Simply the relationship you have with you is the root of every other relationship you have outside of you. You teach people how to treat you by how you treat yourself, what you allow in your life, and the boundaries you create for yourself. If you respect yourself and love yourself that's the only way anyone else will. So, I want to be better each day, the avenues to doing that are to try to do nice things every day for every one I cross paths with, Act with integrity in everything I do, and finally, smile! It's the simplest, nicest gesture there is.

 

2) Who am I spending my time with and why?

This is another one of those things that change through the process of life. As you get older, so do your peers, everyone's life navigates in different directions. I think the most important part to answering this question is, just to be sure whomever you spending your time with be sure they are elevating your life in one aspect or another. There are parts of our lives where we don't have control who we spend time with, like work and family. What you do have complete control over is how much time you spend with family and co-workers. Co-workers are easy, you do not have to have a relationship outside of work with coworkers, hell you don't have to even have a conversation with coworkers in some yall fields of work. Now Family can be more complex to navigate around, but it doesn't have to be. When it comes to family you just have to have a strong NO. No, you don't have to go to the family cookout, No you don't have to go to your 2nd cousin's baptism, No you don't have to endure spending time with your impossible ex to spend time with your kid(s). People typically fall into the guilt trap when it comes to family, if they say no to any family functions, they either guilt themselves or they're showered with guilt by the same family members they trying to avoid. Remember earlier how we talked about 'fucks' giving, yeah, Refer back up to # 1).

3) How well am I treating my body and why?

Okkkkkkkkk, don't everybody slide down in your seat, also wipe the sweat off your head, and don't even think about using that logic being produced in your head to lie, cause it's Bullshit! Have the courage to answer this question honestly, and know that if you don't like the honest answer, well at least you took the first step(acknowledgement) to change it. 

As for me, I do a pretty damn good job at taking care of my body, I'm lucky in the sense that I have been involved in some form of sport since I was 5 years old to the present day. Exercise and working out is just a way of life for me, I don't feel I could live without it. It's one of the good addictions in the world. 

Ahh, thank God for an easy one... NOT! I'm not going to let myself off the hook that easy, there's so much unhealthy shit I do, that I definitely can be better at when it comes to my health. First and foremost, I drink way too much! And that's even with a cutback. There are so many benefits to not drinking, I can make an entire post about those, but I'm not. Just know that it's a constant battle that I deal with every day, maybe by the time I'm 50 I'll be down to the point of no drinking, that's a big maybe, as unhealthy as it may be, man has it got me through some tough life storms. Ah don't judge, you too have your vice, that ain't as good as prayer and meditation.

Smoking! Now that's the one I have a better chance of quitting. Another bad habit and mistreatment of my body, but it is also a vice, literally hitting a stogie right now smh 🤦🏽.

Everything else is noise.

Take the challenge for yourself, and you don't have to be an idiot like myself and put it on a blog for the world to see. These three questions open you up to view every aspect of your life. If you are solid in all these questions and you stand on your answers, that's awesome keep up the great work and build on what you already produced. If you're like 99% of us and you discover some things that need work or need to be changed, then do the work and take the necessary steps to make the changes, that's the beauty of having the privilege of being alive. These three questions will determine 99% of the happiness you have in your life, you'll never get to 100% sorry. 

Strong Back, Soft Front, Wild Heart

All too often our so-called strength comes from fear, not love; instead of having a strong back, many of us have a defended front shielding a weak spine. In other words, we walk around brittle and defensive, trying to conceal our lack of confidence. If we strengthen our backs, metaphorically speaking, and develop a spine that’s flexible but sturdy, then we can risk having a front that’s soft and open….How can we give and accept care with strong-back, soft-front compassion, moving past fear into a place of genuine tenderness? I believe it comes about when we can be truly transparent, seeing the world clearly, and letting the world see into us.

Stay Out of Small Towns

Jason Aldean has been around and making music long enough, he not only knew what the undertones of this song was, he also knew the subliminal messaging it was going to give, and 100% what he was doing. He also didn't care.

I think it's kind of odd that he was performing at the Vegas massacre, but that wasn't featured in the video. So I take it, that mass shootings is okay in the 'small town' just not protest from the oppressed?

I'm okay with how people feel and even how they think, Not caring is fine, just have the courage to stand on that messaging, don't chicken-shit and cry ignorance when you get called on it.

So In the midst of it all, he come to 'small town' Cincinnati and have his first sold out show of the tour go figure. It's like the same way Morgan Wallen became the #1 country artist After using the N word, This song will hit #1 on the charts. 'Merica 🇺🇲

Actuality of Love and Marriage from Someone Who Never Been Married

The older I get the more I heard that grandiose question, will you ever marry and settle down? First and foremost, for me, we have to throw the 'settle down' out the window. Settling for anything just makes me automatically go into a mood, that this is something I SHOULDN'T do. Rather it be settle for this oppose to that, settle a case, settle for a girl,  settle for a situation, settle=FUCK NO! 

But anyways....

I remember when I was young, love and marriage were these nebulous concepts that would happen some time in my future. I would often wonder or daydream who I would marry, how I would meet her, how we would get engaged, what the wedding would be like, etc., etc. I think this is pretty normal for most young people.  

What I never fantasized about was what life would be like AFTER marriage. I never sat around and thought about how we would fight, how we would share toothpaste, who would take the kids to school, how we would negotiate and compromise, what our fifth anniversary would look like, not to mention our 50th. 

That's because these things aren't exciting or sexy. In fact, they're quite the opposite. They're quotidian and boring. Yet, they are actually what constitute the majority of a relationship, the majority of love. 

My fantasies about love — like most people's — were limited to pretty much the beginning of the life cycle of a relationship. They were filled of romantic visions of sleepless nights filled with wild passionate sex, fun getaways to exciting location, bathtubs full of rose petals and bubbles and shit. It was awesome. 

But looking back, I was unrealistic about relationships and love. And I think that really screwed me up in a number of ways (if anything, it made me more afraid of commitment, because I thought it was a much bigger deal than it actually was).

To The One Who Got Away

A intimate letter to Maggie (Revised from March 1, 2015)

I figure that conversation we was supposed to have, at this point, is never going to happen. Its perfectly fine, I now understand that there's nothing that needs to be said that can't be said over another outlet of communication, such as this one. I will say that I AM SORRY, I APOLOGIZE for not being the man you yearn for and not being the man you desire. I WAS NOT A GOOD BOYFRIEND, I DID NOT GIVE YOU MY BEST. I only realize that I didn't give you my best now, because all of the things I wish to give you now, as  I sit her today, now that it's to late. I'm not sure where that fire and desire, that burns in my soul now, where it has been the last two years. I apologize that I realize that now, that it is too late. What I am certain of is that, all things in life are lesson that god may have us learn. This entire situation was meant to teach me a lesson and its working perfectly. See I never ever thought I would ever love on this level again, I NEVER EVER though I would desire to be everything and more for one woman as much as I desire to be for you.I though I was incapable. I never ever though I would desire a woman the way I desire you, I never ever though I would plan my future with a woman included again. I NEVER EVER though I would desire to be everything and more for one woman as much as I desire to be for you. For me, all that hope and faith went out the door, when my high school sweetheart dump me on senior trip back some 8 years ago. All that I thought I was incapable of, by the grace of god I see I am very capable of again. Unfortunately it took this situation, and another shattered heart to realize it. My faith has been restored, I now know that God will grant me another chance, I don't know with whom or when, but I know he will, the same way he granted me the chance, again with you. I let you, his angel, slip away from me, and I'm kicking myself for it. I don't know if he'll ever put you back in my life, what I want you to know is that, YOU have taught me a lesson in life, that will change my life for the better, for the rest of my life. I have learned, through you, that I can and will love again, the way I always desired too, Because of you honey I will be a better boyfriend in the future, and an extraordinary husband as well, someday. I don't know what the future holds, however I want you to know that I am forever grateful to you for your time, for your being, for every moment shared, for the lesson in which i learned through this experience with you. You have help shape a good man into an even better man, may God bless you for that! Your are forever loved in my heart and soul, again THANK YOU!