9/11

You know sometimes i wonder on september 11 2001, if i John Dunn would have had the ball to go in the towers? after the first fell if i had the ball to go in tower 2? it very easy to siy here and say yes, yes i would've. But quietly when i think to myself, i can't comfortably answer that question. When my department, brothers, and this piece of shit country i call a home needed me most would i froze up or would i have did what fireman do?????????? i can't say and that pisses me off! Where was i? had just turn 13 the day before sitting in a fucking social studies class, clowing, not knowing that i was bout to loose so many brothers, not knowing that somethin was about to take place that, would have a effect on me fa the rest of my life! can you imagine? Guys came out of tower 1 after the collapse and went into their death when they walked into tower 2! it is easy to ask what the hell was they thinking they should evacuated all fireman! No, Wrong! we had a fucking job to do and they tried to do? i never questioned how much i love the job never! there no question that this job is the love of my life! but the question of, if i'd went in on september 11, 2001 if i'd had the balls and the bravery, courage, and pride to go in??? That question world, i just can't honestly answer to myself, to you it a yes and always i will answer to you as yes, but when i ask myself that same question, there is no answer, and because of that i can't stand myself sometimes, because of that sometimes i can't look in the mirrior and identify myself, because of that people i will never be the fireman that i have dream to be since i was 5!