So today I was just riding around doing my monday usual and A song I havent heard in a very long time came through the speakers. It was a song I haven't heard in avery long time, but one I always did love. It's called "Without A Woman" by Trey Songz. The line that grabs me in the chorus is "I'm telling you a man can't be a man, without a woman." So you can only imagine what happened in my mind, it's start racing and churning and I started to ask myself, is this true? This totally in my wheel house, not cause I know anything, at all, cause I don't. I don't know shit, I like every beating heart, just have an opinion, usually unpopular, but of course it exist, so today I want to share it with you.
IT's TRUE, Yes I genuinely agree with Trey Songz in his song and lyrics, A man Can't be a man without a woman. It's been said that men's masculinity is something that is elusive (it must be earned) and tenuous (it must continually be proven). Who makes those rules, hell if I know but that a pretty universal stances. It is my belief, that in today's world, everything that makes a man masculine, is determine by social doctrine and the standards place upon by the world around us. I never seen it as a great idea that to best any thing we do off societal normals, or social doctrine, there's a million reason why I feel that way, it's a post for another day, but the fact of the matter is we all do, and we do it A Lot!
With that said, It's hard to argue the fact that a Man is what a Woman says he is. I mean think about it, a 'REAL' man is usually based off how he treat a Woman, rather that woman be his significant other, wife, mother, sister, daughter, I mean just listen to song(I even gave you the video with lyrics so you can read the song) Outside of money (which one could argue men only want to buy the things to impress women, or buy women for that matter) evrything else a man does is based off women. The job they work, most of the times, I experienced this at it's highest working and being a part of the fire service, hey I'm guilt too. Go into your local gym, ask every man in there why do they lift weights, of course their not going to be honest and say "Women" but another thing I know they won't say is "Health and Wellness" and for whatever answer they give you, if your follow up question is What is it you do for a living? More times than not, their living don't require them to be deadlifting 5,000 pounds, bench pressing 2,000 pounds and squatting 1,000 pounds. I'm willing to go out on limb and say 85% to 90% of men in your local crunch and or planet fitness is lifting for appearance to impress, guess who? Yep! Women. The Men choose to drive, The house, and location Men choose to live, I can go on, and on but it's all for women.
So with that being established, rather it's wrong or right it is what it is, that's actually not why i'm writing here today. My mind actually wonder to 'Ok, be that as it may, what does that say about the men/women sphere and where we stand when it comes to men/women when it comes to relationships specifically.' Now we're talking. Let's look at marriage in the country, according to American Psychological Association In Western cultures, more than 90 percent of people marry by age 50. That's a pretty good number if you ask me, but then it turns bad when the APA also report about 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce. The divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher. For many many of years the divorce rate in this country have been up over 50% but what even more eye opening is Since 1970 the amount of people getting married continues to fall. Why? maybe that'll be my next research project but for now let's try to stay on topic.
The problem with Men needing Women to be Men is what happens to Men and Women when this ideology becomes true for the Majority. It is in my opinion that when women learned this, it created two types of women. The first type of woman, was the woman whom learn the power of their femininity, and lets call it what it is, there feminine parts. I mean we can look at the extremes of porn, or bring it down a notch and look at the boom of IG models, and the boom and growth of the new 'OnlyFans'. Women are using their femininity to make money, swoon men and get pretty much whatever they want. Let's be clear I'm not saying all is bad about this fact, or that I wouldn't do it if I could. The other type of woman you get is the woman who is highly independent. I think these women tend to use their independence to make a man feel less then, to use their accomplishments and material possessions, not only to cover up some other flaws, but to attack the masculinity of man and their need of a men. Now on the other end, What happens to one type of man is they get swoon and suck into make a woman dreams a reality, while in the process, losing themselves, what they stand for and stand on, and any individuality of what makes them uniquely their own man, and the other type of man, it's easy; your not a man.
So, when you get the coming together of any type of woman described in the paragraph above, and really any men, what you get is this; nearly 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women.(according to ADA) In a context to this post that's kind of humorous, in the context of life, it's not. So why is this? I mean hell if I know, I guess A Man needs A Woman to be a man, and when your specific woman decide your not a man then, your out and she's going to build her another one. Nah, but seriously in my opinion this fact is a problem. I think men failed to realize that, you'll never be able to make a woman's dream reality, because that dream is like a impossible feat to reach, it changes everyday like you change underwear. I believe women have to understand that your dream will ONLY become a reality when YOU make that dream a reality, it's not going to be accomplish by any man or hell anyone else for that matter, just go ask every woman on that housewives of hell or whatever that reality show is called you ladies love, or go ask the basketball wives of where ever they'll tell you too, or if not the fact that they rotate through starting 5's more than an NBA All-star game should be a tell-tell sign. For you fellas, don't be a fool. Do for you, the things you desire and want to do first,k Hold on to your identity and masculinity . I have seen it in my own family/social group, You want to live the 'happy wife, happy life' style of living, but I promise you it don't exist. I had a father that did that with my mother for 20+ years, guess what happen? Divorce, he now lives in a whisker basket somewhere in Kentucky, and mom's got the 4 bedroom house in which we grew up in, she also got the dog, and hell if me and my brothers wasn't grown pretty sure she'd got us too. Speaking of brothers, I have an older brother who took the same approach with a woman married 5, together 10 years that is, guess what happened there? Divorced, lost everything, house, kid, and complete identity.
To wrap this up (cause I have shit to do) Trey, yes I'm with you, Men do need Women to be Men. Our lives and the meaning and purpose of it is to provide and serve the women in our lives, again rather that be your mother, daughter, sister or significant other the women in our lives are like fine, fragile, and highly valuable art pieces. I believe MOST importantly though what Men need is a strong core value system, solid beliefs in which to stand upon, and that's require just to remain a human being. Men also need a level of knowing one's self to a point that he realize, you are who you believe you are, NOT a woman, and you have a right to be who you are. Your will is a gift that was given to you at birth, and to sacrifice that to a woman opinion about you, you might as well be dead.
But It's a really great sing!
I just want to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving to you all, and to you all Happy Thanksgiving. I'm sure i'm not breaking any news or anything, but man has 2020 been a weird and maga shitty year. Nothing seems right, nothing feels normal, 'the most wonderful time of the year', outside the weather, doesn't actually feel like 'the most wonderful time of the year'. Instead I'll argue so much of what's happened and currently happening around feels so apocalyptic. Covid has practically turned life into a simulations, the social injustice and unrest is at, what i hope to be it's peak, and just so happen it's 2020 which made for one of, if not thee, most hectic in chaotic election ever. I can go on, and on about the shit storm that is 2020 but it's thanksgiving and giving all the shit, there's still a TON we all have to be thankful for.
I want to magnify and highlight a word for this Thanksgiving holiday, really this entire holiday season that we are coming into. That word is GRACE. I think Grace should be the word to carry us through to the End of 2020. According to merriam-webster the definition of Grace is the unmerited divine assistance given to human for their regeneration or sanctification. Grace can also be a virtue from god, it can mean a lot of things, and can vary according to each individual. For me, its pretty simply, Grace is loving, helping, and giving to one another no matter your race, age, sex, or even affiliation with one another. Grace is THANKSGIVING, I also believe it the only way in which we should cross the finish line of 2020 and head into 2021, and what better way to start that now, post the chaos that was this past election.
I don't always like to do it, but it's just becoming part of my nature. I have to go full self-help on your asses. In all seriousness though, I understand that Thanksgiving 2020 is not going to be the same, it can't be, I also know for all of us it will not feel the same. Rather your a believer of the virus or not, rather practice safety measure or not, rather you have your big family gathering or not, we cannot defy or minds, or deny the time in which we are currently living in, Covid lives in our heads and at the forefront of our minds regardless where you stand on it. However, there is still so much in our lives that we have to be grateful, GRACEful and thankful for. The fact that you are reading this for starter, your mere existence here in this crazy world when over 250,000 has succumb in this country alone to the virus. I have lost 2 friends in 2020(not to covid), one as recently as a week ago, and my Dog who was with me since I was 18, she went about 2 weeks ago. So, yeah 2020 has suck majorly in many ways, but it's also has provided me with so many more things to give thanks for, hell I could take up your entire day running off one by one the things I'm thankful for and why, IN 2020. So today my friends, just give thanks, ride the cloud of grace, express love in which ever way possible to everyone you come across today, If your thanksgiving is spent with your family over Facetime, or Zoom show love, if you are getting together with your family give love. Today is a day I want you to take a break from all the stress and repression that 2020 and just keep Grace and gratitude in your hearts and heads and let it led every action you take today, every thought you have today, allow it to lead your day. I mean you might as well because, what's a better alternative? I love you all, I'm very thankful and grateful for your time you give in exploring my mind and thoughts. I am wishing you and all of your loved ones a very very Happy Thanksgiving, Remember Stay IN Peace, NOT in Pieces.
(Thoughts Love and Prayers especially for the families of Joe Orozco, and Tyrone Jabin)
Everyone knows that the first lesson of investing is to diversify. You don’t want to put all your money into Apple because if Tim Cook goes bonkers and decides to release iToothpaste, then your retirement savings are screwed.
Instead, you’re supposed to spread out your investments across dozens or even hundreds of investment vehicles. That way if something unexpected happens — *cough* like a pandemic *cough* — not all your money goes down the same toilet.
You can kinda think of human relationships the same way. Each of us is forced to be invested in ourselves. If good things happen to us, we feel good. If bad things happen to us, we feel bad.
But as we go through life, we can also build relationships with others. Building relationships is like investing a small percentage of our happiness in this other person, and receiving an investment of some of their happiness in us in return. This allows us to diversify our happiness across many people in many different aspects of life. And this diversification makes our own emotional health more resilient when difficulties in life come.
You want a strong network of relationships because when life comes along and knocks you on your ass — and trust me, it will knock you on your ass — you want an emotional safety net of people who can step in and share a bit of the emotional burden with you.
You want people who will listen and care and sit there and drink eight beers with you even though they know they’re going to feel like ass in the morning. You want people who will call and call again, even when you’re being a dickhead and wallowing in your own self-pity.
Because no matter how big of a badass you think you are, none of us can stand up forever on our own. As human beings, we are evolved to be somewhat emotionally dependent on each other, to rely on each other and need each other, especially in our most trying times.
If you are currently suffering, the most valuable thing you can do is reach out and connect with someone, talk about your problems, and share your pain. It’s the most necessary ingredient to coping with any sort of psychological trauma.
And if life is fucking great and you’re kicking ass right now — awesome! But use this time to build those connections, to share in the ass-kicking goodness, to diversify your emotional investments and create that support network. Because the good times never last. And the next time a crash comes, the last thing you want is to be down in the hole, all alone.
Okay, I’ve got some good news and some bad news.
The bad news is that you pretty much control nothing that goes on in your life. You can’t control what other people say or do or believe. You can’t control your genetics, the circumstances you were born into, or whether your mom was depressed and your dad was an alcoholic when you were growing up.
You can’t control the weather, the year you were born, the cultural values you inherit or the people you grow up around. You can’t control almost anything that happens to you — freak car accidents, lightning strikes, flash floods, volcanic eruptions, earthquakes, solar flares or meteor strikes.
You cannot fully control whether or not you contract cancer, diabetes, lupus, Alzheimer’s or Hashimoto’s. You can’t control whether your kid dies. Your sister dies. Your friend dies. Your friend’s friend dies or that guy you slept with in college dies in a freak ice fishing accident.
You can’t control how people feel about you, what they hear about you, how they think about you, the way they see you, hear you, smell you, or even touch you.
You cannot fully control basically anything that goes on in this crazy ass world around you.
But here’s the good news. The one thing you do control is far more important than all the others.
You control your thoughts. You can always control your thoughts.
The Buddha once said that when you get struck by an arrow, you are injured twice. The first injury is the physical injury, the arrow piercing your skin causing you to bleed. But the second arrow is our beliefs and thoughts around the injury. We decide that we didn’t deserve to get struck by the arrow. We think about how much we wish we didn’t get struck by the arrow. We wish the arrow had never happened. And for those thoughts, we suffer.
This second injury is purely mental. And it is optional.
Psychologists often talk about something called “pain catastrophizing.”8 Pain catastrophizing is when someone takes something small — like someone disagreeing with their point of view — and blows it up in their mind to the point where they believe their whole life is over. I’m sure you’re familiar with it, because in the age of social media people do it all the fucking time.
There are a few reasons people can be motivated to catastrophize. The first reason is simply that they’ve become so coddled and lazy and have nothing meaningful happening that the slightest inconvenience strikes them as a legitimate crisis.
But there are other reasons we catastrophize. One reason is that we can be socially rewarded for it via sympathy, attention, and a sense of importance. Many argue that social media has created a “victimhood culture” where people are emotionally rewarded for their grievances; therefore, people unconsciously try to be as aggrieved as possible.9
Catastrophizing can even be adopted as our identity — look at us, we’re that person who always has sOmeThInG cRaZyyyy going on! That’s how our family knows us. That’s how our co-workers know us. That’s how we know ourselves. And, like any identity, we become attached to it and protect it. It provides us a sense of security and knowing.
The problem is that catastrophizing fucks us all up. It’s making Buddha’s second arrow far larger and more painful than the first. When the Buddha’s point was that there is no second arrow — that it’s invented in our minds — we’re like, “No thanks, check out how many likes I can get on Facebook if I turn this into the biggest fucking brouhaha the world has ever seen!”
One thing I try to remind myself is that there is nothing in this life that I have suffered that millions (billions?) of other people have not also suffered and survived before me. Pain catastrophizing, much like obsessive rumination, conceals a narcissistic core. It operates on the assumption that your experiences are singular and special, that no one could possibly understand the pain and hardship you’ve endured, that somehow the world has conspired against you and only you.
You cannot control your pain. But you can control how you think about your pain. You can control whether you believe your pain is insurmountable or whether it’s a trifle. You can control whether you think you will never recover and be the same again, or whether you think you will bounce back fine.
Because pain is inevitable, but suffering is only in the mind.
