The women in our lives may not look like the women in our fantasies - and that's ultimately a good thing.

****Editor: askmen.com's Ian Lang**** I was poking around the internet this past week, as I'm wont to do, when I noticed some celebs making more than their typical fuss about the ever-contentious issue of body image. Amid heated discussion over her weight gain, Lady Gaga posted near-nude photos with the caption, “I’ve struggled with bulimia my whole life." “News” broke that Jessica Simpson has approached two doctors for lap-band surgery, proving that Weight Watchers can make poorer investment decisions than Lehman Brothers. And, just today, I saw that Christina Aguilera declared herself pop music’s once and future fat girl, this most likely being due to Adele being a successful fat girl and Xtina having a shaky grasp on the concepts of cause and effect. My point being, I was thinking a lot about the female body, but not in the way I usually do when I’m home alone and bored. Body image is a complicated thing, but discussions on it, by and large, exclude men. We certainly feel pressures of our own, whether they be real or imagined. Just look at that shirtless action star of the moment. Now look at yourself. Now look at him. Now look at yourself. Rinse, lather and repeat until the tears start flowing. Regardless, the effect of the media’s portrayal and apparent control over the ideal female form affects us in very real ways, even if we are excluded from the conversation. We’re supposed to decry the entertainment industry’s penchant for models with unrealistic proportions, but we can't deny that Marisa Miller is truly some grade-A boner material. The conundrum for us men is how to negotiate between reality and the media's fantasies. While I doubt many of us can recall exactly when, where or how we first laid eyes upon the nude female form, I'm sure we can all remember the feelings it... um… inspired. For some readers, the old tropes of stumbling upon dad’s stash or a quasi-well-intentioned older brother likely ring true. For guys my age and younger, the internet probably played a large role. I’m sure many a man under 30 has fond memories of hastily attempting to download some tasteful nude over a 36.6k connection, while anxiously listening out for their parents' footsteps. I distinctly remember my own attempts at saving a particular shot of Ginger Spice (shut up, it was the '90s), who, as the slowly loading picture arduously revealed, is not really a ginger at all. Regardless, chances are, whatever you were able to get your hands on was hardly an accurate representation of reality: over-airbrushed centerfold spreads, genetic-freak models with comic-book proportions or even past-their-prime porn stars precariously posed and contorted to avoid unflattering angles. Either way, whatever we saw as younger men had a direct influence on the mental schemas we formed of the female body: bubble butts and buxom breasts most likely being de rigueur. Fast-forward an indeterminate number of years, depending on how “cool” you were, and sooner or later you achieved what I'm sure many of us had imagined to be our sole reason for existence: seeing and perhaps even touching a real, live naked girl. Some of you were probably making awkward attempts at getting fresh well before you could drive, which, besides creeping me the hell out as an adult, makes me totally understand why fathers are so protective of their young daughters. For the bulk of us, though, those first glimpses of bona fide nakedness happened later in high school, or maybe earlier in college for us wallflowers (shy people, not the band, although maybe them too -- who knows?). And the results were… disappointing? I shouldn’t say that, because, let’s be honest, you were stoked. But, still, some things were apparent: not every girl has gigantic, perfect breasts, and the breasts they do have don’t usually stay perfectly heaped up like a couple of airbags. It turns out that, just like us, girls have moles, zits and blemishes. Making out in the back of a car or other teenage-approved locations often led to interesting positions that created lumps and rolls in even the fittest of bodies. And, boy, were we ever wrong about that “vagina” thing. We were all like, "OH GOD, WHAT IS THAT? There’s hair and lots of skin and what exactly am I supposed to be doing with it?" Needless to say, the need to separate our youthful fantasies from the realities of real, live, breathing women often presented itself in an abrupt and at times traumatizing manner. I think the reason I find the disparity between the real and imagined so particularly interesting is that the media has consistently conjured up images capable of making a normal young woman just seem “meh.” I mean, Marisa Miller is a real, live person, who, by all accounts, looks exactly the way you think she does. But she just happens to have genes that are, quite literally, one in a million. As we men grow older and start to suss out the real vs. the imagined, we figure out what’s a reasonable expectation and what's a genetic anomaly or Photoshop wizardry. As the novelty of naked flesh wanes, we’re not blinded by every set of jugs or flash of bare leg that crosses our path. As we gain more experience, we learn that it's a lot more about the person attached to those not-as-big-as-I-thought-they-were boobs than it is about the boobs themselves. As we reach adulthood, we start to look at Victoria’s Secret models the way we do concept cars -- secretly, and in another city, so our wives don’t know… I'm kidding. We see them as visions, as escapism, as a queer, somewhat twisted depiction of an ideal. We may like the thought of getting behind the wheel and taking them for a quick spin, but we sure as hell wouldn’t want to own them. I fear a bit for the fate of today's young men. Given the ease of access and incredible proliferation of internet pornography, its tough to get away from this artificial reality. It's not just the acts being depicted, but the images themselves. The stuff that’s out there today is a far cry from the low-res, slow-loading images of Geri Halliwell I used to ogle. My fear is that such depictions could potentially take hold of, and irreparably distort, one's perceptions of what a real woman looks like. If that happens, men are going to be involved in the body image debate in a way we never imagined. I fear for that. But then I remember how it only really takes one awkward and embarrassingly short-lived romp in the back of her dad’s SUV to bring the average teenage boy crashing back down to reality.

The NFL and NFLRA Finally Reach Agreement

The NFL and the NFL Referees Association reached an agreement late Wednesday night to end the referee lockout, the league confirmed. NFL Network, citing a league source, reports the two sides agreed to a new developmental program, rather than adding 21 officials to current pool of 121 NFLRA officials. The pool of money for the current officials, according to the report, will remain the same.

Maualuga and Richardson Sparking The Flame for The Ohio Cup Part 1

This weekend is the first round of the battle of Ohio between our Cincinnati Bengals and the Cleveland Browns. For the most part this game has been everything but a battle, it been lopsided in the Bengals favorite. However, this is still a battle and it still a rivalry even though the two team in the battle struggle to even be relevant on a consistent basis. The game this Sunday has yet to sell out, probably won't and fans honestly don't have much to look forward to except, one of these team will get in the win column and take part 1 of a 2 part battle for the Ohio cup. Two players decide they wanted to spark a flame and heat the rivalry up a little bit, those two guys benn Bengals linebacker Rey Maualuga and Cleveland Browns top pic Trent Richardson. Maualuga stated early this week after watching film, " “He can run you over and you can miss a tackle, at the same time, from what we’ve seen he didn’t do nothing spectacular,” Maualuga said, via CBSSports.com. “From running screens, missing passes, trying to find a hole when he’s running the ball. He just didn’t do anything spectacular from what I’ve seen. I’m pretty sure he’s going to want to get after it once he plays us.” The comments made their way to Richardson, who told Mary Kay Cabot of the Cleveland Plain Dealer that they were “very encouraging.”

“When somebody wants to talk mess, I mean, hey, that’s them. I let my game speak for

itself, so if they want to see how mad I am, or how upset they got me about the comment, you’ll see Sunday,” Richardson said. The funny thing about all this to me is, neither one of these guys should be saying anything. Not only did both their teams take an L this past week, but they both played horribly. Maualuga played by far his worst game in his Bengal career, getting pancaked and at times simply looking like he was ducking and dodging Ray Rice. Richardson had a fairly disappointing debut performance against the Eagles with 39 yards on 19 carries. The highlight of his day was when he ran over the top of Eagles safety Kurt Coleman, knocking his helmet off and 5 yards backwards. Which is probably the reason this story got as much attention as it did. I know I hope the time come, in this weekend game, where they meet in the gap and Maualuaga is the only thing between Richardson and his first career touchdown. I guess the real question is, who would you put your money on if that the opportunity present itself, or if that scenario actually come true?!?!?!? John G. Dunn II jgdunn.blogspot.com

Bengals @ Ravens Recap

Well there ain't nothing much to review here, although they show a lot of promise offensively, defensively they was just out played by Baltimore Ravens tonight.
the defense for the Cincinnati Bengals just did not show up at anytime in this game. we had no pass rush all night which just allow Joe Flacco to tear it up, secondary did not help at all, Flacco was just pretty much throwing to open guys all night. This secondary is the weakness of this football team Baltimore Ravens game out exploited it. Rey Maualuga played the worst game in his Cincinnati Bengals career, it makes you kind of wonder if he has what it takes to play middle linebacker in a division like the AFC North. offensively we had a lot of bright spot. I really like what Hawkins did, AJ Green did a lot better than I thought he would against this defense, BJGE also have a nice day, Andy Dalton played a good game minus a few overthrown ball and couple turnovers. The thing I was most impressed with was the offensive line, the open up seams for BJGE and Dalton didn't take much of a punishment. So who's the blame? Blame no one, this was sort of expect, not this bad but the overall outcome. The Cincinnati Bengals defense have a lot to learn from this tape, Rey Maualuga played scared all night, the secondary made a lot of small mistakes that turn into big pay out for the Ravens offense, and the D-line got no pressure or penetration to stop the run. The Defense had to set the tone and they didn't, this offense had no chance. We struggle to finish in the Red Zone, but so much of that is the lack of having a tight end to throw the football too or to even threaten the middle of the field. Overall it's week 1 and that was a tough challenge for us this week. Although many "fake" fan or throwing the towel in already, real fans won't panic the season is looong. Time to go listen to Coach Lewis.........

Week 1 Bengals @ Ravens

It's not too often The Cincinnati Bengals open up on primetime. 2012 is our lucky year for that at least. I'm sure I speak for many fans when I say the Cincinnati Bengals only seem to get air time when one of our players are being locked up or when we our losing more than we're winning. They don't deny us our primetime games. The problem with the Bengals is, when they get opportunities to play primetime games, we lose more often than we win. Today the Bengals start their season off on Monday night football against the Baltimore Ravens and hope to take a step in changing that fortune as they play their first of three primetime games in 2012. Tonight game will be what we all are use to, another part in the everlasting war between two AFC north rivals. We all know what the Ravens bring to the the table, and that extraordinary defense. Though they will be without All-pro Terrell Suggs, and they are getting old I don't expect this Defensive to miss a beat. The Ravens offense is slowly coming around as well slowly but surely. You have Joe Flacco, who seem to get better every year. Ray Rice, who that offense run through. Anquan Boldin has been an effective addition the last couple years, and the emergence of wideout Torrey Smith.

For the Bengals, some expert believe this defensive can be a Top 10 Defensive this year, and if you read my 2012 season preview yesterday, I agree. I believe this team will only go as far as they defense allow them too, and they have a tough task ahead of them, trying to stop Ray Rice and company. Offensively they have an even tougher task trying to find a way to produce and manufacture points against a defensive that being a top the league for years upon years. Last year the Bengals was sweep by the Ravens in their two meetings, although it a new year it pretty much the same players, coaches and systems.

Tomorrow night will bring about a good football game, and being a fan of course I want to see the Bengals win, I just don't see it happening, sorry fans. I think the final score will be 21-10 Baltimore. I see this offensive struggling to score, not only cause it the Ravens D, but a combination of Ravens D and the lack of offensive weapons we have. With A.J. Green being our only valuable weapon, I believe they will take him away by having Ed Reed Bracket him all night. The rest of our option just won't match up equally with the rest of that defense. Also I think we will be dominated by that front 6 or 7 of the Ravens. It the NFL and every team has a chance any given day, but matching the teams up we have our at disadvantage in every position as a whole. I always look at us as a younger protege of the Ravens, especially Defensively. And no matter what you never beat your older sibling ha, I hope I'm wrong but 21-10 Baltimore is what I have. John G.Dunn II jgdunn.blogspot.com

Cincinnati Bengals 2012 Preview.

Well it a new NFL season getting underway, and our beloved Bengals look to repeat their efforts of last year and have back to back playoff appearances for the first time in over 20 years. The play from Rookies Andy Dalton and A.J. Green took the NFL world by surprise, and is all the more reason many have doubt about the 2012 Bengals. Although we had some quality additions and not a lot of quality subtractions this Cincinnati Bengal football team will look a lot the same at almost all positions as you will see while I breakdown each position in this preview of the 2012 Cincinnati Bengals.

////Quarterbacks//// Although now days in the NFL, it seems as if it's inhumane to not have QB controversy every off season, we are a team that will not have to worry about that, not only this year, but hopefully in the many years to come. Even though we have a Solid #1, we better hope he never goes down, because we have no quality backup behind him. Only Carrying two quarterbacks, in my opinion after watching pre-season, the Cincinnati Bengals best #2 options is on Practice squad in Zac Robinson.

////Running Backs//// Our biggest off season addition came in the back field, when Bengals sign free agent running back BenJarvus Green-Ellis. He is no question the starting back and one of the few new faces you will see for the Bengals, his signing is just a sign that the Bengals are becoming a passing football team. Also the fact that the two guys backing up Green-Ellis are more receiving type backs. Bernard Scott will be your #2 back, but will start the season on the Injury List, Brian Leonard will be listed as your #3 running back, but will more than likely have 3rd Down responsibilities as well. Cedric Peerman is on the depth chart 4th but not likely to see any snaps, and we have one fullback on the depth chart, Chris Pressley, which is also a clear sign of what this offense is becoming.

////Wide Receivers//// Even the we are really moving into our West Coast style offense that we knew Gruden was bring in, and more pass Oriented, we don't have the quality receivers for the systems in my opinion. After A.J. Green, who's clear the #1 guy, who else is there? The depth chart has Brandon Tate being the #2 guy, but honestly do he scare anybody, is he a guy that can take pressure off A.J. Green? I don't think so. Andrew Hawkins is the #3 guy, or the guy you will see in the Slot a lot, and had a really eye opening season last year, but he has to show consistency before you can have belief in him. #4 Guy is Armon Binns, a guy who spent all of last year on practice squad and although showed promise in pre-season, you have to wonder how well he'll do when it counts, against starters. Ryan Whalen follows him on the depth chart, a guy who was on the roster last year but didn't see much of the field, he's a guy that you will also run slot most the times he in the game, another unproven guy. The two rookies, Mohamed Sanu and Marvin Jones finish out the List of receivers on the roster. Both these guys are big targets who is more suitable for the outside, and will see some play time because of the non-stability we have after that #1 guy. Andy Dalton has already been on record saying, he expect it to be fluctuation at the #2 spot.

////Tight Ends//// When it comes to the tight end position for the Bengals, it's honestly the most disappointing position on the feel for us. The tight end position is so important to the success, and execution of the west coast offense, and our #1 guy, Jermaine Gresham has been a disappointment with the inconsistency, or not inconsistency but the fact that we all know he has more potential and can be a lot better than what he has put on display the last 2 years. Backing up Gresham is Donald Lee, rookie Orson Charles and newly signed Richard Quinn. None these guys are a threat to Gresham's jobs or guys that can allow us to effectively run two tight end sets, these guy are more blocking tight ends than anything. Coach Gruden said Greshem his the potential to be like them two guys in New England, I show hope he shows us a little more it would certainly help this offense especially since we're at the receiver spot. Greshem needs to be become the best #2 option for Andy Dalton.

////Offensive Tackles//// The starting tackles are familiar faces, Andre Smith on the right, and Andrew Withworth on the left. Smith is guy who in my opinion has yet to live up to that top 10 pick we used on him, and never will, his durability is questionable and Dennis Roland is a guy has to stay ready on his toes backing up Andre. Andrew Withworth is by far our best offensive lineman and he has the most important job in protecting Dalton's blind side, Anthony Collins is listed as his back up.

////Guards//// One of our 2 first round picks was to fill the need at this position. Kevin Zeitler, rookie out of Wisconsin, had a great camp and has look really well. Clint Boling is listed as the starting left guard who I believe is helped a lot by the skill of the guy he plays next too, Withworth. Rookie Trevor Robinson and before mentioned, Dennis Roland is listed as back ups, and that fact show's how thin we our on the O-line.

////Center//// With Kyle Cook been placed on the IR, the Bengals went out and signed veteran Jeff Faine. He's a guy who very familiar with the offense we run and Kevin Zeitler said " He knew all the line call within his first week with the team." So even though we may not miss a beat with Faine, if he was to go down we have no other center, Trevor Robinson is listed as his back up, so let's keep our finger crossed.

////Defensive Line//// We have a lot Defensive Tackles that our young, hungry, and very talented and I believe is our most talented position on the field along with the Defensive Ends. Left to right goes Carlos Dunlap, Domata Peko, Geno Atkins and Michael Johnson. Dunlap can be an all-pro in my opinion if he can stay on the field, Peko does an extraordinary job clogging up the middle, Geno Atkins is and will be an all-pro if he stays on field, looking forward to seeing him coming of a 2011 pro bowl season. Michael Johnson is quietly becoming a leader on this young defensive. These guy are very important to this Defense and no doubt is the strength. The guys backing, this group up is guy with good track records like Robert Gathers, and top free agent Jamaal Anderson. Plus top rookie D-tackle from Penn State Devon Still.

////Linebackers//// After the initials 3, there not much behind them. You have Rey Mauluga, Manny Lawson and Thomas Howard your usual suspects, but after that the only guy I think worth mentioning is Dan Skuta who has been really coming along since late last year. With Mauluga decreasing durability he become rather important. Vontaze Burfict a rookie who barely made the roster and Vincent Rey is another guy I don't think going to see much of the field. Honestly, I think Dan Skuta will be the first guy off the bench backing up all three of the starting guys.

////Defensive Backs//// Defensively I think our clear weakness is the secondary. It was the weakness last year, and it will be the weakness this year. Some wonder where our first round draft pick is, outside of Zeitler. Dre Kirkpatrick was our first, 1st round pick and has yet to step on the field since the BCS National Championship game. He was a guy who was suppose to start, but after a off the field injury he will start the season on the injury list and likely be there for the first 3 games(You heard it hear first). Honestly I don't see him playing much at all this season, and as I said on draft day, this guy is a high risk pick that I don't think will pan out for the Bengals. Leon Hall is the best corner on this football team and that not a good thing, because I don't think he would carry that title on any other NFL team. I like the signing of Terrance Newman and Jason Allen but both these guys have durability questions and consistency question. Nate Clements has did well here, but also has shown in consistency. The bright spot in this secondary and the best player behind that front seven, I think no question has been Reggie Nelson. He's has revamped his career every since he touchdown in Cincinnati. Taylor Mays is now the full time free safety, and as much as Marvin Lewis love this guys size, some would say that's the only reason he still here. We all know the potential Mays have, but let's be honest, at times he has look scared, and like straight trash, he quickly become known as the Safety that's afraid to fill holes. Jeremy Miles could easily take that job in my opinion, and Nelson back up George Iloke is a big guy with a lot of potential.

////My Opinion/Projection//// Overall this Bengal football team will look almost identical to last year in every way, As long as Andy Dalton And A.J. Green Avoid Sophomore slumps. However, if they have any bit of Sophomore slumps this can be an ugly season for the Cincinnati Bengals. In 2012 I have the Bengals finishing with the same record as last year, going 9-7. Honest that 9-7 can be 7-9, or I wouldn't be surprise at all if it's 11-5 I can see it being possible. I see a decrease in production for A.J. Green for the simple fact he is the only offensive threat we have, he is the only guy D-Coordinators will be concern about, so he will see double, and bracket coverage all year. I hope Greshem emerge as that top tight end everybody believe he can be, the time is now for him, he either do it now, or be the guy that can't get it done. I think cutting Jordan Shipley was a premature act of the Bengals front office, and I believe it weakened this offense even more. I have no belief in any of the other receivers on this roster to emerge as threats which is why I say the time is now for Jermaine Greshem. Sometime tells me Dalton will have similar #'s to last year, maybe a little better even though Green will be harder to find. Green reduction in numbers, but Dalton a jump in numbers? How is that possible, you ask? I think with Benson being gone, Gruden will spread it out a little more and Dalton will have more opportunities, also spreading it out will have to be one the ways you get Green loose. I believe Green-Ellis can be very productive for this football team, I only see him aveaging 12-15 carries a game, but he can be a good receiving back as well, part the role he play in New England for past few years. This team, like last year, will go as far as the defensive allow them to go, They are an extremely young defense, but they return nearly all their starters, and with one the best Defensive Coordinators in the business I think they will only get better from last year, and they were not a bad D last year. Being a Bengal fan, of course I won't them to go undefeated and win a ring, but the realist in me see 9-7 for this team fighting for a wild card spot and even though that's Identical to last year, they will be better this year. The Schedule is much more difficult this year than last, and this year we will get a true evaluation of this team and direction of this franchise. I'm sure I speak for everybody when I say, boi I'm glad football is back, Enjoy the season! John G.Dunn II jgdunn.blogspot.com

Stop Placing Blame. Blaming Yourself Is Better.

People growl intermittently about the current ‘blame culture’. And it’s true the word ‘accident’ is sometimes mistakenly used in place of ‘potential payout’. Don’t blame me! I’m just saying, is all. It used to be the case that plain bad luck or an ‘act of God’ was something you just had to live with. We rarely hear: “It was nobody’s fault…just bad luck.” “Well, Bad Luck better get himself a fine lawyer, because I’m suing!!” Of course, sometimes an organization or individual really was woefully, even fatally, negligent; in which case, just blame and compensation are right and proper. Terrible life-threatening mistakes are made sometimes. But on a more day-to-day level, I think it’s true that passing the buck is now a cultural pastime. This is a big problem if finding blame becomes more important than finding ways to put things right. But what’s so attractive about the international pastime of blaming others? Finding someone to blame (and then blaming them) may give us a substitute sensation for having solved a problem when we haven’t really understood cause and effect at all. Sure, anger and self-righteousness are exciting feelings, but we mustn’t become so hooked on excitement that we stop being able to see more subtle shades of cause and effect. And let’s not forget that blaming others is a neat little way of letting ourselves off the hook. We might say we want truth, but can we handle it? Take control of your life by blaming others less Some people get emotional satisfaction from talking about how awful other people are. But research has found that when you talk negatively to, say, a friend about how awful a colleague is, the listening friend is more likely to associate the negativity to you rather than to the person you’re describing (1). Researchers call this ‘spontaneous trait transference’. So it’s best to go easy on bad-mouthing others because it may backfire anyway. It takes a big person to accept outwardly and inwardly that they screwed up. I’m not saying we should never blame other people. Sometimes others are at fault and they need to know it and take responsibility. But being able to accept responsibility when that’s right means we actually become less helpless and passive. If everything is someone else’s fault, then what part do I play in my own life? Are my actions entirely without consequence? Am I that powerless? Or do all my actions only lead to good outcomes? Am I an entirely new type of human being? Knowing we can accept responsibility when things go wrong means we can also accept credit when things go well. We do, as individuals, have an effect on life; and that’s a good thing. But we need to develop the capacity to be objective enough about ourselves to avoid assuming we could never possibly have created problems ourselves. We also need to distinguish between accepting responsibility and punishing ourselves unduly. It seems we need to tread a path between overly internalizing (“Everything is always my fault!”) and overly externalizing (“Why do other people always screw up!”) when bad things happen. Doing too much of either make us off-balance and unhappy. Having the ‘everything and anything I do is self-justifiably wonderful and right!’ type of attitude is okay if you’re two, but I’m guessing you’re not. And the fact is, we all need feedback about ourselves. Otherwise, we don’t move forward. The pill can be bitter to swallow sometimes, but it can do us an awful lot of good. A jester is a person who is given to witticisms, jokes, and pranks(dictionary.com) and we all need one or to be one, Why? Blaming doesn’t have to mean ‘punishing’. If you are big enough to realize when you have made a mistake, you can admit it and then find ways, if possible, to make things better. That’s all it takes and all you can do. If other people use it as an excuse to turn on you, then that’s their issue. If you feel you have a tendency to blame others unfairly, then I salute you because you’ve already become your own Jester and everyone needs one. Most people will refuse to even countenance the idea that they may be prone to unfairly blaming others. So you’ve already taken a massive step. Look for the cause, not just any cause. If something doesn’t work out, it’s easy to get creative and find some reason why it’s someone else’s fault. Learn to relax with not actually knowing for a while why something worked out the way it did. Tolerate the temporary uncertainty of just not knowing until you get a wider perspective on things. Jumping to blame the first person isn’t an effective way of going about things. Wait for a bit by telling yourself: “Okay, this is the situation at the moment. Now, what’s the very best thing I can now do in these circumstances…?” Remember you can only grow by perceiving true feedback about yourself. Seeing objectively where you went wrong is how you improve and develop. We don’t progress as human beings just by ‘learning to love ourselves’ unconditionally. We need to develop the capacity to respond to the feedback life gives us about ourselves free of either the distorting effects of low self-esteem or conceit and arrogance. There is absolutely no shame in being able to admit to yourself or others that you made mistakes. Quite the opposite; it shows real strength of character. Very clever people make ‘stupid mistakes’ it is part of being human. The only genuine way not to make mistakes is not to be in the world. Get into the habit of admitting your mistakes sometimes. How do you react when things go wrong? Do you feel a sense of shock, a sense of “how can this happen to me?” Do you find yourself getting angry and worked up? Do you immediately start casting about in your mind to identify someone to blame for the problem? And working out a string of epithets to fling at them before you’ve even clearly established what exactly has happened? If you are used to just dishing out the blame and not accepting your part, remember the research that shows being able to apologize in relationships makes them much more likely to last and thrive (2). Don’t always be too quick to blame yourself, but just now and then admit to co-workers or your partner or friend that, yes, you too are human and you made a mistake. People will respect you for it. Forget blame and focus on where to go from here.Ever noticed how some people get more hung up on assigning blame than actually fixing a problem? If people feel you blame them unfairly, they will resent you. They may even come to hate you. People instinctively hate injustice. Get used to saying out loud: “Okay, it happened! For the time being, we need to focus on making things better!” You can give people feedback later, once you’ve calmed down and if it’s necessary. Remember how to motivate people. People can be shouted at, cursed at, and blamed, but still not know what it is they did wrong. If other people have made mistakes, they need to know: What may have led to those mistakes and How to do things better in future. Calling someone an idiot or telling them they “always do everything wrong!” is not feedback; it’s just abuse, no matter why you think you’re doing it. This kind of emotional incontinence may make people anxious, but they’ll never respect you because it displays your weaknesses so clearly. Life is full of people who take emotional shortcuts and blame other people unfairly or aggressively; for the sake of the human race, don’t be one of them. But I wouldn’t blame you if you were. If you ever learn to do these thing, not only will you become a better person in the eyes of all your peers, and people you encounter all throughout life, but also more importantly content with your self. In the beginning It's not easy to some time put the blame on your self, but in time it gets easier and you find the ability to become a better problem solver, and accomplisher. You also become better at helping others and that what it's all about. Let's make this place a better place. John G. Dunn II

Dalton, like many other bengals, hurt.

I’m sick of the preseason. The Cincinnati Bengals likely agree. Starting quarterback Andy Dalton suffered an apparent injury to his throwing arm after being sandwiched by a pair of Colts defenders on the opening drive of Thursday night’s preseason game. He got up after being struck by Colts linebacker Robert Mathis. Moving slowly, Dalton flexed his fingers. Later, he was sitting on the turf near the Bengals’ bench, with trainers attending to him. The announcers explained after a commercial break that trainers were checking Dalton’s elbow. He currently is one the sidelines, and he seems to be OK. ****from pft.com****

Kirkpatrick Have Setback

The Bengals were hoping to get their first look at first-round pick Dre Kirkpatrick in game conditions on Thursday, but his status has been cast in doubt thanks to the knee that’s caused him trouble all summer. Kirkpatrick missed practice Monday with soreness in the knee he injured while working out before the start of training camp. The team sent him to a doctor to check things out and should find out more about his status in the next couple of days. “He’s got a little bit of soreness,” coach Marvin Lewis said, via the Associated Press. “So they’re checking him out to see where he is. It wasn’t expected. We don’t know what it is. It’s just sore.” Kirkpatrick was only cleared to practice last week, so the soreness isn’t particularly troubling if there’s no structural damage in the knee. What’s more troubling is the timing of the setback since it could cost Kirkpatrick his only chance to get some game reps before things start to matter. For a cornerback who admitted to never backpedaling in high school and college, such reps would be very valuable if they came without the prospect of making a blunder that winds up costing his team a game. That might be impossible, though, and the Bengals might have to deal with Kirkpatrick learning on the fly as a rookie. Kirkpatrick, in my opinion will not take the field week 1, I had questions about this kid on draft day. This is just one more issue to put on top the questions about his IQ, discipline, and ability to learn. It's definitely cause for concern for Bengals fans, this was a kid that Nick Saban had to babysit throughout his college career, being the NFL there are no babysitters and I see this kid having a career such as his teammate Adam "Pacman" Jones. John G. Dunn II Edited by Josh Alper

The Unappreciated Legendary Like; Top Free Agent In The NBA

With the departure of Andrei Kirlenko this past season, it opened the door for Gordon Heyward to Amaze the Utah jazz fans, with the amout of minutes he was able to put in. It wasn't amazing because it was abnormally high for the NBA. It wasn't amazing because it was because he was a younger player. It was abnormal because it was a younger player playing a lot of minutes on the Jazz. Hayward, for all his faults, is amazing right now on the Jazz. Andrei Kirilenko is amazing, period. Andrei is, at the NBA level (this doesn't include all his international stats) on the precipice of joining a super elite club - a club of players who have at least 4000 rebounds, 2000 assists, 1000 steals, and 1000 blocks. There are only 14 players ALL-TIME who have done it. Andrei, if he returns and plays one season in the NBA, will be the 15th. The 4000/2000/1000/1000 Club: We look at points. We look at assists. We look at rebounds. And we look at championships. There's more to winning than just points, assists, and rebounds. It's easy to overlook the guys who help you win - but don't dominate the boxscore in the ways we're conditioned to read them. Though, the people in this club are all dominant players (or guys who played very long). Some of them are overt Hall of Famers, while others always helped their team win. This is a group of guys - some overrated, and some under - who you'd always want to have on your team. Over the course of their careers they also put up a lot of numbers. Some of the star players were great scorers who chipped in elsewhere; while some of the role players did a lot of different things. In fact, you clearly see this in this elite group of 14 players -- half of them are in the Hall of Fame, and half of them are exactly the type of guy you would find being a key rotation guy on a legit contender. Let's look at the numbers, and see where Andrei is. So as the free agency of 2012 really heat up, let's not forget about the best free agent that's available. There is no one player out there who carry a resume such as the one 'Drei can put on the table. In the game of basketball we admire the flash, big dunks, and big names, we're unappreciative to the guys who remain humble, quiet, stay dedicated and perform night in and night out, this is who Andrei Kirilenko is, an amazing basketball player whose numbers are right up there with Hall of Famers. who ever can land him, if he can be landed, Got the best man out there!

It was a little over a year ago, when I had finally got through to you. You was the career woman that I never though I have a chance with. You walked, making your way towards work. and my eyes was glued staring at you the whole way threw Everything I used to think during that time, how great you was, how nice it would be to be with you, it all became as false as a myth. With time, and effort I won your heart. I thought I struck gold, thinking it was a prayer answered. Maybe it was, but it put me back in a world that I remember being so dark. You took my heart and abused it in ways in which you'll never know. Force yourself in, force love upon it, and ignore the request and cry out to take things slow. I want to make it clear that I wasn't perfect. I made mistakes, putting up with her shit lead me to a state of misery. Grant it I know that don't justify anything, it don't make it right. But I needed relief, a break from a fight that occurred every night. I got bitched at for living my life. Wanting time to hang out with my brother, you complain and try to deny me that, as if you was my wife. Independent is something that been apart of me, but with you I was never allowed to be. You bitch'd complained, and took offense when I didn't want you under me. I guess these are the consequences, coming behind a guy who had tied you down in engagement for 9 years. I see how that can be damaging in itself. But it made you insecure, on edge, and faced a lot of fears. With you only thinking about negatives, I wasn't even allowed to be myself. That ultimately what lead to that misery, and you can't even start to imaging how that felt. You have did things in the last few months that has totally change what I though I knew. It opened up new question, like is it something wrong with you? You have proceed, and though for whatever reason, it was O.K. to bring your fuck buddy to my house, the place where I lay my head. Became best friends with the same girls who once wished me dead. The same girl who, when was together, bashed and insulted your name to anybody that would listen Is the same girl you cry out, and be missing. You always talk about the materialistic things you did for me, I always knew you was stable It just a shame that's all you had to bring to the table. I sometimes find myself wishing your fuck buddy become your man. There not many things I want more, than you off my hands. You praise him, his looks, personality, and how much of you he adore. I sit and wonder what the hell you waiting for. What you waiting for is me, even though I continue to tell you that we are no more. What's sad is, even if I wanted to be with you, after all at this point we can never be. The mistakes I made is clear. But I'll never regret getting of the hell in which our relationship cause Being older, You always though you knew it all. Which is a part the reason your not here I wonder if you knew, you would be our downfall! John G. Dunn II jgdunn.blogspot.com

Can You Really Be Whatever You Want To Be In America As We Know It Today? Or Has That Time Come And Gone??

One of the most famous sayings in the world is "you can be whatever it is you want to be". Who haven't heard this at least once in their life? I remember hearing it as a kid, and now I'm a father, gives you kind of an idea how long it's been around. It was probably something kids was told even before I was born, now that I'm an adult I can't help but to question how true this ole saying is. The problem isn't that the statement is inaccurate, it's just nobody tells you all the other things, and outside factors you have to depend on, in order to accomplish your dream of being whatever it is you want to be. It's not hard to see that as the world get older, the ability to live, and live comfortable get much tougher. I'm only 23, but I'm willing to bet that the importance of college was not of the level it is now, I'm sure you could get just about any job without a degree, maybe even without a diploma, I'm sure attending grade school wasn't required the way it is by law today. Take modern time, today getting higher education is more likely to lead you into bankruptcy court than it is to land you a career paying job. Cost of living continues to rise as minimum wage struggle to keep up, the debt of this country gets higher and higher it seem like daily. Some economic expert say we're in so much debt, that we can't possible pay it off for at least 3 generations, meaning our kids, grand kids, and great grand kids will be paying off the debt we're currently in. In order to to get a good paying job now days, it no longer about your skills, or credentials really, it all about who you know. That's a big part of the reason why it seems as if the rich get richer, and everybody else get poorer. The same kids who parents can afford college, usually because they have a high position for some company where they make a nice living. That kind of gets us back to what I said about having to depend on others, today your success is heavily factor by who you know, not exactly what you know. Don't get me wrong the more you know, the more skill you have the better but how many people can afford college, or even trade school? What about financial aid, you ask??? Well I never understood why financial aid was call financial aid. Aid means to give support, or help, is that really what financial aid corporations do for people? The way I see it, they give you money, in order to make a profit, I mean duh this is America, is anyone really out to help people. Aid is used to get young people in as much debt as possible, the people who run these financial aid company wish you don't land a job right out of college, and with the economy the way it is. It's very common for graduates to be jobless years after graduation. After graduation guess who come knocking, whomever you got loans from and you think they care if you can't find work? Absolutely not, they want you to stay unemployed as long as possible so that interest keep adding, and building up. The world changes so fast. My son is only 7 months today, but times fly and before you know it he'll be at that age where he has his own goal and dream of what he want to be. it's not that I don't want him to believe that he can't be anything in the world that he wants to be, because in a sense it's true and he can, however I will be sure to let him know that it will not be an easy road. I was never told that, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who wasn't advised of that. I know we grow up, and it something we suppose to kind of pick up with time, I understand, but can you imagine how different it possibly could've been if we knew what we was getting ourselves into before we got there. The world around us changes fast, so maybe our own parents didn't know any better. Nobody predict this recession, and if they did, nobody believed it. I just don't want my kid to do what i did, I had one dream as a little boy to be a fireman, back in them days, school wasn't a requirement, they wasn't laying guys off, and shutting down houses, the way I knew it, you just go to the firehouse and put an application in just as if you would in a fast food restaurant. If I knew then, what I know now, I'd did sooo many things differently to set myself up for sooner, and better success. I think it only fair that we as parents, give it to our kids straight, no sugar coating. It may not seem like the best parenting method at the time, but they can't do nothing but thank you later down the road, when that dream becomes a reality for them. So can you be anything in the world you want to be? Yes, confidently tell your children that, but also advise, warned, and tell them of the tough road and journey which awaits them in achieving their dreams, Most importantly set them up for success as best as you can, as early as you can, and be there every step of the way, going through all the trails and tribulations they face on the road to success. It won't be easy, but your experience and knowledge will be a valuable asset to them throughout this course. Finally, remember this world changes fast, keep up with it, adjust to the best of your abilities, and keep pushing not only for you but also your children. Remember America society is only set up to see you and your family to fail. John G. Dunn II jgdunn.blogspot.com

The End Of A Fire Hero

Very confused, don't know what to think or do. Many years ago, I was just a kid with a dream. Things change, as time flew the only thing remain constant was my dream, and the will to make it come true, grew. I eventually became a man and learned that things in the fire service, as kid, wasn't as they seemed. Who would have knew, as a kid, all the things this damn dream would put me through. A service in which holds a different truth. A service that manipulates and mislead are youth. They look at us as these super human, amazing heroes. Too young to realize that, that's only a half truth. Behind the badge, the title, some of us is nothing but another zero. Ever chance we get, we have to make it clear that we're better than you. A earned brotherhood is what they say I live it, surrounded by it every single day. The same brothers you love, that you would risk it all for Can be-little you, judge you so bad to the point you just want to runaway. I speak with an anger, bitter heart that I've continuously ignored. Biting my tongue, holding back everything my heart want to say. I stand here today working this pin in my hand. Facing the reality that I will probably have the opportunity to fight fire again. Is this the reason I'm coming out giving dirt on the service? I guess you can say so. I saw it more as an opportunity to get some old things off my chest, in the efforts of letting go. I look at it like, I been married to the fire service 18 years In that time I've faced a lot of fears, meet some of my greatest peers, but now I just shed a lot of tears. I fought with a broken heart that I couldn't mend, I gave it all my might. Today, not only do this dream end, I have officially lost this fight! I now possess a life that will forever be incomplete From this day, til the end I will suffer in my own defeat! John G. Dunn II jgdunn.blogspot.com

For Coach Isome(Poem)

Coach Isome I didn't get to spend much time with you at all. We meet on the gridiron as nighthawaks, last summer and fall. The gridiron, a fun, cool, wonderful place for people like you and me. I wish I could have express, the major effect, that short time we spent together, had on me. You had an effect on me that I'm sure you never knew. Coming to a team as the new guy like I did, there wasn't always someone to turn too. On a team where favoritism ran so high. Coach Ice I can whole heartedly say, you had no favorite guy. Even When I stormed off that field, mad, helmet went flying. You was there to lend a helping hand to someone you may have only known as the new guy. In simplest terms, Coach Isome I respected you so much because you was real. Even though you in a better place, I speak for all of nighthawk nation when I say, we much rather have you on that field. God called you home, now your with the best. April 30th, 2012 is it, we must lay you to rest. You always told us, do your one-eleven. When I Play I never forget it. So keep an eye on me coach Isome, I expect you to let me know how I did once I see you again in heaven! John G. Dunn II jgdunn.blogspot.com

My First Flight

As a kid coming up, Nothing amazed me more than knowing that you could go thousands of feet in the air and fly anywhere you wanted to fly in the world. At the same time it amazed me, I also learned the dangers of flying in an airplane, which scared me so much I vowed that I would never fly. Having the childhood dream of becoming a firefighter, the events of 9/11 didn't help, neither did the infamous opening scene of final destination ha ha. When that took place, 9/11, I was a 13 year old 7th grader, and knowing that people hi-jacked aircraft to intentionally crash them really scared me. I was way too young to know about terrorism and politics, all I knew was that human beings took these planes with one intention, which was to crash them. For years following the tragic events of 9/11, the sound of an airplane over head put a sense of fear in my heart like nothing else. When you really think about it, you never hear much about airplanes, and flights at all. It just when you do, the news is usually bad and not good. The though of spending your last living moment on a airplane that's crashing has to be one the most horrible and tourterious to go out, all these thing is the reason I said I would never fly on an airplane. They say, never say never, and maybe I should've because I did take a round trip to Las Vegas, Nevada this past weekend. I would be lying to you if I say it wasn't the scariest, most nervous thing I've done, probably since 2009 when I stepped into my first burning building. The plane I caught from Cincy to North Carolina was a smaller jet. I stepped on the plane and my head nearly rubbed up against the ceiling, that made my heart beat even faster from when I step up to board the flight and proceed down the tunnel, gripping the railing with my sweaty palm not realizing that I wasn't on a roller coaster, hell I wasn't even on the plane yet. I boarded my plane and it seemed as if it took forever for us to take off, the anticipation build, and build. I couldn't help but to think about all the thing that could go wrong. The though of my family, parents, brothers, my son who was only 4 months at the time, and all my close friends I was a mental wreck. I got off at 230 that morning and set up all night before the afternoon flight, with the though of sleeping through the flight but I could see at this moment of boarding, sleep was not happening no time soon. So as we finally had the plane cranked up, it seem as if we was just casually driving around the run way for another 15 min, then we came to a complete stop, went from 0 to what seem like a million miles per hour in 3 to 4 second, Now it starting to remind me of a roller coaster, in which I never ride. The next part, the actual lift off is something I would never forget, it actually is what made the experience of flying worth wild. Looking out the window we was moving at speeds where I had a hard time recognizing anything going by, lifting off we got higher, and higher off the ground, it was neat to lift off near I-275 and see the traffic, too see all of the land that now laid below us. Everything got smaller, and smaller as we got up into the clouds. As we leveled on out and stop rising we was basically sitting up on top of the clouds and I started to understand why they say fling is one the safest ways of transportation because it was just us. For some reason I will never know why, the view and feeling of floating on top of them clouds relax my heart, soul, and mind. Above the clouds was so clear and a sight even to this day, I close my eyes and try to bring back when times get rough and life move a lil too fast. Before I knew it we was setting to land in North Carolina, it was that fast, a 50 minute flight. I had successfully complete a milestone in my life, and faced a fear I once said I never would. That flight was a good simple for the 5 hour flight I had to board from North Carolina to Vegas, and I had found a new liking for fling. For anybody who's out there that was like me and may have the same fears I had when it came to fling this post is for you. Fling was something that I'm glad I did at least once and I encourage and recommend you go ahead and take that chance too. Life is a journey, we face all kinds of dangers, and face many moment in which we never forget for the duration of our life. In life there are many things which we would like to do, or experience before we die. If we all made our bucket list most thing on it would be things that's unrealistic like being rich for a day, or playing the staring role in a movie, climbing Mt. Everest, traveling around the world, etc. In life, Your time to leave this earth, is your time to leave this earth, no second is promised to us so don't let the fear of death stop you from experiencing something so small, but neat at the same time. You never know you may, like me, grow a liking for it. John G. Dunn II jgdunn.blogspot.com

Bengals @ Texans Preview.

Well here we are, he Cincinnati Bengals are in the playoffs and will visit the Houston Texans today. First thing first, I mean how about them Bengals?!? This was a team who was considered by most media figure one the worst teams going into 2011 season. I can still remember people saying we would be fighting for that #1 overall pick, and all we did was compete all year long and earned a spot into the tournament. That is oh so bitter sweet when your one of the few fans that this team would have a .500 season or better, I be lying if I said I or anyone though they would be in playoffs, but we are here and facing a very good Texans football team. Keys to victory for the Cincinnati Bengals....... Cincinnati must establish Ced Benson and the running game, this Houston D is very good, and don't allow a lot at all. The Bengals must run the ball, and run it effectively in order to wear the Houston D down, keep theirs rested and control this football game. I know everybody want to see Dalton to Green, but if the Bengals try to get their offense going through Dalton it will be tough on him and the team. Defensively they MUST stop the Two headed monster in Foster and Tate. After the performance Ray Rice had last week, you best believe the Texans will do what I just said the Bengals need to do, especially with a banged up 3rd string QB. Expect to see Houston with a lot of Zone running, Rice had both his biggest runs on HB zone plays last week. If I'm the Bengals I'm playing man D with bracket coverages on Andre Johnson, and everybody else loading the box. Force Yates to beat you. When I do these articles, or post I have to be a realist before I'm a fan. With that said unfortunately I have the Cincinnati Bengals losing this football game. Yeah booo me, curse me, exit the page, do all that but I have to be real. The fan in me will be cheering them on, and I'll be screaming the loudest when good thing happen, AND I HOPE IM WRONG AND THEY WIN! Why do I think they will lose this game??? Well in recollections of the Keys to victory, I don't see Benson doing well. His productivity has been on a downwards fall all year and I don't see that changing today, I also think he'll fumble once or twice. Defensively I think the Bengals will be competitive all game, and make it a good game, but a double dip of Foster and Tate will wear that D down and the weakness of our safeties will hurt us on the run D as well just like last week. I also don't think it possible to keep Andre Johnson quiet. All those plus the inability of the Bengals to turn redzone possessions into TD's instead of FG's, in which they struggle to do ALL season, will result in a 21-16 lost for the Bengals! Ya'll know I can't ended it with that though. Cincinnati Bengals Fans should be damn proud of this football team, and organization for making it thus far! Also fans, get ready to see this team as a regular in the playoffs, no more of that every 2 or 3 years stuff, I'm telling get used to days such as this. ONCE AGAIN I HOPE MY PROJECTION IS WRONG, it just the realist in me, that did the research and logical thinking to come up with it. WHO DEY!!!!!

John G. Dunn II
Jgdunn.blogspot.com