It was a little over a year ago, when I had finally got through to you. You was the career woman that I never though I have a chance with. You walked, making your way towards work. and my eyes was glued staring at you the whole way threw Everything I used to think during that time, how great you was, how nice it would be to be with you, it all became as false as a myth. With time, and effort I won your heart. I thought I struck gold, thinking it was a prayer answered. Maybe it was, but it put me back in a world that I remember being so dark. You took my heart and abused it in ways in which you'll never know. Force yourself in, force love upon it, and ignore the request and cry out to take things slow. I want to make it clear that I wasn't perfect. I made mistakes, putting up with her shit lead me to a state of misery. Grant it I know that don't justify anything, it don't make it right. But I needed relief, a break from a fight that occurred every night. I got bitched at for living my life. Wanting time to hang out with my brother, you complain and try to deny me that, as if you was my wife. Independent is something that been apart of me, but with you I was never allowed to be. You bitch'd complained, and took offense when I didn't want you under me. I guess these are the consequences, coming behind a guy who had tied you down in engagement for 9 years. I see how that can be damaging in itself. But it made you insecure, on edge, and faced a lot of fears. With you only thinking about negatives, I wasn't even allowed to be myself. That ultimately what lead to that misery, and you can't even start to imaging how that felt. You have did things in the last few months that has totally change what I though I knew. It opened up new question, like is it something wrong with you? You have proceed, and though for whatever reason, it was O.K. to bring your fuck buddy to my house, the place where I lay my head. Became best friends with the same girls who once wished me dead. The same girl who, when was together, bashed and insulted your name to anybody that would listen Is the same girl you cry out, and be missing. You always talk about the materialistic things you did for me, I always knew you was stable It just a shame that's all you had to bring to the table. I sometimes find myself wishing your fuck buddy become your man. There not many things I want more, than you off my hands. You praise him, his looks, personality, and how much of you he adore. I sit and wonder what the hell you waiting for. What you waiting for is me, even though I continue to tell you that we are no more. What's sad is, even if I wanted to be with you, after all at this point we can never be. The mistakes I made is clear. But I'll never regret getting of the hell in which our relationship cause Being older, You always though you knew it all. Which is a part the reason your not here I wonder if you knew, you would be our downfall! John G. Dunn II jgdunn.blogspot.com