Colin Has A Right To An Opinion Like You. Deal With It.

I have many fire brother and sister and military personnel who don't understand, Newsflash many of you want cause it's a BLACK thing. YES I SAID IT! Colin has a right to an opinion just like you, and if you don't like how he did it DEAL WITH IT! Everybody say he shouldn't did it like that,  Last I remember the point in protest was to get attention brought about to a situation. What blows my mind most is those of you who never been in any of these fields, may have a sibling or family member in the service, don't count for your opinion, YOU REALLY don't get it, and don't even have a valid right to an opinion, any more than Colin do. 

See for me,  I work in a industry that is dominated by whites, especially where I'm located. It also happens to be an industry that funded by government and valued or admired by this country, it's full of ex service men and women, and vets. There can be 101 arguments about why blacks are few and far between when it come to being firefighters, and I personal know people, employee and not that has valid points and reasoning that says our industry is designed to keep blacks scarcit. These are arguments and conversation nobody wants to have, even in this industry. The reason people don't want to have hard conversation, is because they usually fear the outcome, they fear being wrong, and most people hate change, especially if the system, or the way things are being done, doesn't negatively effect them. Bring us back to the Colin situation, As I can relate best I'll tell you this,  Try being 1 black of 90 fire cadets in your class!!! The shit I heard and been tease with, you don't want to know the half! Could you fathom the uncomfortability of looking around you everyday for 2 years and seeing no one that looks like you? It take a lot of tough skin and tolerating offensive jokes and gestures. 

Allow me to shut down the notion that Colin was being bashful or "disrespectful" to military personnel, in fact don't let me speak for Colin, he can do it;

“I have great respect for men and women that have fought for this country. I have family, I have friends, who have gone and fought for this country. And they fight for freedom. They fight for the people — they fight for liberty and justice … for everyone. And that’s not happening. I mean people are dying in vain because this country isn’t holding their end of the bargain up, as far as giving freedom and liberty and justice to everybody.” -Colin Kaepernick

As you  can see, Colin protest efforts was never to disrespect man and women of our military. People 

 want to make it like it was, just to cover up the whole reasoning for why he really did it! Do we see the pathology here? We keep trying to cover up the real issue. One could easily argue that it more wrong to use the spirits and efforts of past and present military personnel to cover up injustice and wrong doing of police, and the justice system in this country.

"So, what he did and doing ain't changing anything" is what many people say in response; Listen no one man or woman on this earth have the power to change a situation that was taught and molded in the hearts, souls, and beings of the people of America. What one man and woman do have is the power of their love and support, and for empathetic and compassionate beings, that's a strong power. He used his platform to express love and support, for the very people who don't have the platform or the power to make this country buzz. I'm here writing about, your reading and talking about, it on every sports channel and even national news. I have to be honest, I'm felling a helluva lot more powerful and supported today, little ole me, because of Colin.

 I'll end with this, At this time, We must have the conversation, that as an African Americans in this country, you are not safe from the people who are entrusted to protect you, YOU'RE SIMPLY NOT. As scary and ugly as it is, as a people ALL people, we must acknowledge AND accept that truth and 

stop letting the scared, and unwilling acknowledgers tell you that what you see in front of your eyes 

time and time again, ain't reality, when it is! We have to be honest, before change will come.


I support you, Colin Kaepernick. I acknowledge and admire your fight, your stance, the courage and bravado to stand, take a stand and having the ball speak out about what you stand for and believe in. It is not easy having a DIFFERENT opinion or an unpopular one, there will always be push back, and  in this life whatever you do, you'll always piss somebody off, it just part of the process. You better get comfortable with roughing folks feathers keep on keeping on, Stay in peace NOT in pieces!

If We Seen Our Pets As Equals, We Have No Choice But To Be Better People. Here's Why!

 Had a friend ask me "what's something I can strive for daily to make everyday more satisfactory and happy?" I had nothing, but I remembered how we're molded for connectivity although societal norm teaches us to chase, strive and admirer independence. Suddenly I just gave him my everyday strive and goal....

Everyday I tell myself to be the person my dog thinks I am!

Why?

Our pets are the only sources in life that can offer us the "POSSIBLITY" of unconditional love. Rather you want to believe it or, it can't come from your spouse, gf or bf, it don't come from our parents, siblings, or family. We all wish it would, but reality is that it don't. We're human, and we make mistakes by dozen, daily, and a lot of them mistakes are unloving. Truth is, unconditional love is a practice, one we should practice everyday, some people know how to display it more than others but its not constant. Our pets though, and I don't know why, but they offer the closest resemblance to it, so strive to be the person your pet thinks you is, in my case that Sasha. Bad or good day, happy or sad she is always her same loving self. For me that's Sasha!

The Parenting Manifesto

As we all know, as parents, parenting can be a highly difficult task. Some often would say it the most difficult job title any of us will ever possess. Theres multiple things that makes this job so difficult, the beliefs that there's a "right and wrong way" of doing it, all the judgment we receive from parenting in a way that may not be the "social norm", for being different and taking on different and unpopular methods to the act of parenting, the way we ourselves was parented, and raised by our own parents, and we can go on and on. One of the best lessons I learned about parenting came from a researcher name Brenè Brown, basically her outlook on parenting says, and these are not her words just me summing up what I took from her words. Parenting is not so much about the act itself, when it comes to parenting you have to look at it under a different light, instead Of the light that says I must protect, and guard you from all of the harmful things that circulate in this world. Instead we must see parenting as, life is a journey, through the journey there will be many obstacles, good and bad things that you will encounter, you can't really avoid these things, I can't save you or protect you from all things, what I can do is promise to be there with you, to do the best I can to help you through any and everything. Realły that's what parenting is, it's not being king, and queen. It's not being the alpha, omega and seeing our children as some puppets that we have control over. Not saying that every parent take this approach, but rather knowingly or unknowingly we all do, we all do it with our children's best interest at heart, it almost human nature to want to protect and secure our kids from this crazy world, but what if I told you ultimately what you doing is probably doing more harm than good. No I'm not being hypocritical, just voicing an opinion. Parenting effectly-not right or wrong- means being human to are kids, we have to normalize ourselves, what do I mean? You have be okay with showing your children that your human, your not alpha king, your everything they our and you make mistakes, you experience a lot of the things that they have and will, good and bad, and this is how you overcame, or elevated your life through your experiences. The next paragraph will start the "parenting manifesto" it is meant to be a prayer, a meditation, a baseline in which I want to parent from. I interact with my kid everyday, so everyday I make sure I read this manifesto just to make sure I stay in line with my values as a parent.

{Above all else, I want you to know that you are loved and lovable. You will learn this from my words and actions—the lessons on love are in how I treat you and how I treat myself. I want you to engage with the world from a place of worthiness. You will learn that you are worthy of love, belonging, and joy every time you see me practice self-compassion and embrace my own imperfections. We will practice courage in our family by showing up, letting ourselves be seen, and honoring vulnerability. We will share our stories of struggle and strength. There will always be room in our home for both. We will teach you compassion by practicing compassion with ourselves first; then with each other. We will set and respect boundaries; we will honor hard work, hope, and perseverance. Rest and play will be family values, as well as family practices. You will learn accountability and respect by watching me make mistakes and make amends, and by watching how I ask for what I need and talk about how I feel. I want you to know joy, so together we will practice gratitude. I want you to feel joy, so together we will learn how to be vulnerable. When uncertainty and scarcity visit, you will be able to draw from the spirit that is a part of our everyday life. Together we will cry and face fear and grief. I will want to take away your pain, but instead I will sit with you and teach you how to feel it. We will laugh and sing and dance and create. We will always have permission to be ourselves with each other. No matter what, you will always belong here. As you begin your Wholehearted journey, the greatest gift that I can give to you is to live and love with my whole heart and to dare greatly. I will not teach or love or show you anything perfectly, but I will let you see me, and I will always hold sacred the gift of seeing you. Truly, deeply, seeing you.}

As parents it highly important that we take the pressure off ourselves, the pressures of being "the perfect" parent, getting everything exactly right. Truth is your not the perfect parent, your not the perfect person, because perfection does not exist and that's a GOOD THING. What's important is that your kids know this to be true, and you don't teach them the imperfect lesson of perfectionism. As my friend Brenè says "I’m not perfect and I’m not always right, but I’m here, open, paying attention, loving you, and fully engaged.” What's important when it come to parenting is that your open, vulnerable, and understanding of the experience your kids go through, even the bad ones when they misbehave and you have to let them know, No! Your not bad, you just did a bad thing, this why it's bad, and this is a better way to get the same outcome without the misbehaving behaviors. If ever you need to level yourself in parenting I think it's more important to ask yourself, not if I'm parenting right, but I'm I being the adult I want my kid to grow up to be? 

A

I DO NOT VOTE, Before You Judge, Let Me Explain Why I Don't Care HowYou Feel About It.

There's something that I want to share with you all. As we all the know the time for voting has arrived. The fact that I DO NOT VOTE, gets me a lot of frowns, and criticism from friends, family and people whom I encountered in my everyday life. The fact that I do value SOME of you all opinions, I'm going to take the time out to express to everybody why I DO NOT VOTE.

So, there's a reason why I waited to after the polls open to share this with you all. Consider this my disclaimer; *This is BY NO MEANS an effort to change anybody's opinion, or judge anybody for exercising there right to vote.*

Back to the subject matter at hand; There's a couple reason why I DO NOT VOTE, one is my own reasoning and another I kind got help not coming up with, but just a validation to what I already felt, and knew to be true. 

First, my reasoning for not voting come strictly from my belief system, which tells me this; The world was only built to last a certain amount of time, although nobody knows what that time frame is, look around and you'll see that the time is running out! Secondly, with the help of one of my favorite authors Brenè Brown I read something in a book of hers titled Daring Greatly. It's part of a section titled Disengagement Divide, and it highlights politics being a prime example. I'll just share the part in which relates to this; 

-Here’s my theory: Disengagement is the issue underlying the majority of problems I see in families, schools, communities, and organizations and it takes many forms, including the ones we discussed in the “Armory” chapter. We disengage to protect ourselves from vulnerability, shame, and feeling lost and without purpose. We also disengage when we feel like the people who are leading us—our boss, our teachers, our principal, our clergy, our parents, our politicians—aren’t living up to their end of the social contract. Politics is a great, albeit painful, example of social contract disengagement . Politicians on both sides of the aisle are making laws that they’re not required to follow or that don’t affect them, they’re engaging in behaviors that would result in most of us getting fired, divorced, or arrested. They’re espousing values that are rarely displayed in their behavior. And just watching them shame and blame each other is degrading for us. They’re not living up to their side of the social contract and voter turnout statistics show that we’re disengaging.-

That small passage written by Brenè Brown validates, in a much more smarter way then I could, basically how i feel about the American government and is the root to which my first point originates from. So to all my weed smoking peers and family members who smoke weed, no I WILL NOT be VOTING to legalize it, that's like me voting for Barack Obama just cause he's half black...... Ooops, did I just give up the only means behind y'all voting for him!?!? I'm so NOT sorry.

What Friends Really Need From You When They're In Pain

When a friend or loved one is in pain, it's likely that your immediate reaction is to offer comfort. You may want to help through your actions or your words, but this nurturing instinct is often trailed by one nagging fear: What if I do or say the wrong thing?

No matter what situation is causing your friend to hurt, life coach Iyanla Vanzant believes that there is one universal approach you can take to help ease their pain.

"Your presence is enough," Iyanla says. "Sometimes you don't have to have anything to say... You don't have to bring anything to the table. Your presence is enough."

Iyanla has seen the power of this principle work firsthand in her experience as a spiritual advisor and the host of "Iyanla: Fix My Life." Not only does she take the time to listen to those in the midst of crises, but Iyanla also encourages their loved ones to be fully present and open their hearts as well. That, she adds, is when an additional move towards healing can take place.

"In the stillness and the silence of your presence, pray," Iyanla suggests.

This prayer doesn't have to a prayer in the religious sense of the word; rather, it's about putting forth good vibes and positive energy, beginning with how you personally view your friend in this moment of despair.

"Don't see the person as 'broken,' and don't see them as where they are right now," Iyanla says. "Call in and see for them the end result."

If you're concerned that allowing yourself to be fully present might invite negativity into your own space, don't be, Iyanla says. The exact opposite happens.

"Just because your friend is hurting doesn't mean you have to get down in the pain with them. In fact, in your presence, you can pull the energy up and pull them out of the pain," Iyanla explains. "Just remember: Your presence is enough." 

Click the link below to not only read this post, but to also see this short, but powerful message from Iyanla!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/helping-a-friend-hurting_55f1df5ee4b002d5c078a30e

Romance Is Like Alcohol

Romance is like alcohol. It can heal and it can hurt. It can create joy and it can create pain. It’s often responsible for some of the best and some of the worst moments of your life. It can obscure a terrible idea into a brilliant one; it can distort a terrible person into a fate-filled lover.

Romance is like alcohol. It invents emotions out of thin air. It can create a mirage of love; it can intoxicate us with an imagined happiness. It can generate anger and jealousy where none is deserved. It can bestow sadness and heartbreak when nothing is lost.

Romance is like alcohol. It feels really fucking good. Most of the time. But there’s usually a price to pay as soon as you sober up.

Romance is like alcohol in that it captivates us when we’re young. It intoxicates us and convinces us that what we’re experiencing is the only thing that is real, the only thing that matters. As we grow older and gain more experience, we learn to trust this feeling less and less, to understand that it comes and goes like anything else.

Romance is like alcohol — it can become an addiction, consuming us, destroying lives and ruining relationships with those closest to us. Some people can’t seem to get enough of it. They seek it out in the most unacceptable of places — their friend’s spouse, a young impressionable co-worker, or an ex that they can’t quite seem to let go of. They will lie, cheat, steal, and hurt others just to get one more fix of it, yet their behavior will always appear justified in their own mind.

Romance is like alcohol. Make sure you are using it and it’s not using you. Moderation is key. Sometimes you need to inject a little of it to add some zest back into your love life. Sometimes you need it to grease the wheels of a stale, old relationship. Sometimes you need it to help celebrate life’s important moments more intensely. But be sure to never lose yourself in it.

Romance is like alcohol. None is healthier than too much. And a little is healthier than none.

Romance is like alcohol. If you refuse to take part in it, you’re probably a real bore at parties.

Romance is like alcohol in that it distorts time. A few seconds can feel like an eternity, while an entire weekend can disappear without any sense of what happened.

Romance is like alcohol: it makes you really horny. Sometimes so horny that you end up sleeping with someone you probably shouldn’t sleep with.

Romance is like religion. It can lead you into believing in some greater force that is either trying to save you or destroy you, but you’re never sure which. It convinces you of childish superstitions for the simple sake of explaining what appears to be unexplainable on the surface.

Romance is like religion in that most people prefer to go through the motions and create the appearance of it rather than truly living it. Most people, when confronted with it, become shy or embarrassed and feel undeserving of the joys it can offer.

Romance is like religion in that others will make fun of you if you do it too much in public. “Get a room!” they’ll shout. As if praying at the altar of your lover’s lips in the clear of day were some public offense.

Romance is like religion in that it’s completely illogical, but that doesn’t stop people from giving their lives over to it.

Romance is like science in that you need to fuck up a few times before you know how to get it right. Failure is part of the process. Or rather, it’s the whole point.

Romance is like science in that no matter how many times you try to verify the experience, you can never be completely sure what exactly happened or what went wrong. You can know for certain either who you’re with or the emotion occurring between the two of you, but never both at the same time.

Romance is like alcohol in that we sometimes need it to get outside of ourselves, to feel and live and breathe and let ourselves simply be with others. It’s a chemical tool to surmount our own flawed psychology. An evolutionary trick to bind the cultures and societies that make us.

When I was young, I didn’t believe in romance. I treated it the same way I treated Santa Claus or the tooth fairy — sweet sentimentality overriding people’s otherwise right minds.

As you can probably guess, I was lonely and single. And ironically, despite all my musings about what romance was or wasn’t, my ignorance of the subject left me completely defenseless for the emotional shitshow that was my first serious relationship. Despite my ardent opposition to what romance was or wasn’t, I remained enslaved to it for years without ever realizing it.

Because this is the funny thing about romance: sometimes it hurts. This is by design. Sometimes all of the petty drama — the broken plates and slammed doors and tearful screams and shattered cell phone screens — is just as intoxicating to us as the most beautiful sunset, or the most heartfelt kisses.

As I grew older and more experienced, in the same way I learned to hold my liquor, I learned to hold my heart. I learned that just because it feels good doesn’t mean it is good. Just because I want something doesn’t mean I should have it. Just because we say we love each other doesn’t mean we entirely understand what that love is.

I came to understand the power of my emotions in the same way I had come to understand alcohol or religion or science: as a tool.

And as a tool, emotions are actually neutral. Emotions can hurt us, and they can help us. They can make us better people and they can make us worse people. They can be used for good and for evil. They are a supplement to who we are, they do not define who we are.

And once I understood this, I understood what love really was and what it could be. Some greater thing, unaffected by the day-to-day gusts of my internal weathervane. Something so sturdy that it didn’t even matter if it sometimes felt bad.

I understood that I can make my emotions work for me, that they are the servant and I am their master, not the other way around. That they are not commandments as much as powerful recommendations. That just because I feel it, does not mean that it must be so.

I understood that romance is like alcohol, something to be used and enjoyed responsibly (and preferably not while driving). That it is a tool designed to make my life better, even at the risk of making it worse.

Because romance is like alcohol: sometimes you just want to go out and get drunk for a while

Core Values

My Core Values

Many would say core values are a must to live a purpose driven life, hell in my opinion I, myself believe this to be true. Typically you see companies and business with core values or a form of them (a.k.a mission statements) although most of them barely follow them, they are vital to have for a baseline, a bottom line and a positive image of your company when being viewed from the outside. I believe the same thing goes for us as people, however, ask 10 individuals to share theirs with you, and you might get 3 of them, that can give you theirs without a problem, MIGHT. That's not good, however not something that not fixable. Often when you go through trials, tribulations and turmoil in life, when you find yourself in a hole that seem impossible to dig out of, it's often cause you don't possess, clearly, what your core values are and what's most important to you. There are also times and people, who at one time was clear about their core values at one time, but through the process of life, which we all know throws all kind of things at us, good and bad, they suppressed, compromised or ignore what they knew to be true as their core values. What detours us from living a life based off our core values can be many of a traumatic, life altering events. Sometimes, as with workaholic, it can be people getting to caught up in them, before mentioned company values. Also, one I dealt with many times personally, losing ourselves in our significant others.

It really scares me today though, which is why I'm here. With all the crazy, crazy things going on in today's society, the technology and social Media takeover-that's not getting any better- our people really is losing the sense of having core values. Oh what a price to pay, a lot of things that are going on today, in my opinion, is because of core values or lack there of. When you lack core values, it becomes really easy to let external demands and societal conditioning determine and effect your life. 

Colin Hiles is a writer, speaker and a consultant, he's also the man behind the outlining or form, in which I used to find my core values. At the very bottom of this posted you can get the direct link to the article he wrote "Finding your core values." One in which I highly encourage you to do. Colin says " I have found there’s a way to tell the degree to which your life is aligned with your values. You know it’s time to reconnect and close the gap when:

• You feel stressed and a sense of being out of control.
• You feel conflict or are torn between the different facets of your life.
• You’re excessively busy with every minute crammed with stuff but feel like you’re getting nowhere.
• You feel drained from constantly rushing to tick off your to do list that just keeps getting longer.
• You feel regretful about what you’ve done in the past."

Colin goes on to say its not to late, and that it is important that we understand the value in figuring out or core values "The good news is that you can change all of this, and the best starting point is to get in touch with your core values.  Fulfilment and contentment lives on the other side of their discovery and integration. By investing time and energy to get clear on your values and life purpose, by defining and articulating what you really want from all areas of your life, and then letting your values govern your decisions, you will live a fulfilling second half of life."

I took on the challenge and answered the main questions Colin had for me to answer, in finding my core values, they goes as followed; Colin's question then my answer.....

What, in life, is most important to me?

*Happiness, Family, Infinite mental growth and development, 

What does "Happiness" means to you?

* Happiness to me is, wholeheartedly living satisfactory through out life with mind, body, and soul regardless of external circumstances.

What does "Family" means to you?

*Family is important to me. However, it is important to know that family, and its members are also human and it is important not disenchant them with my expectations.

What does "Infinite mental growth and development" means to you?

* Infinite mental growth and development to me is always finding your mental capacity and going beyond it, not only in education, but also in levels of things like being understanding, open to change, evolution and compromisation to be a better soul in family and in society.

"Happiness"

* Success to you means?.... In happiness, ultimately I think when we die we all want to die with a smile on our faces. Live your life fully, stay in tune to your hobbies, things you like to do and that satisfy you, emphasizing on THINGS NOT PEOPLE! People are not as consistent as the things, that's important to remember. People leave us all the time rather it be in death, divorce, relocation or just simple change. When I die I won't more people to have good thoughts and an overall good recollection of encounters with me. Part of being happy is making the ones who life you encounter happy and happier than before they encountered you. No, your not gong to make everybody happy, and have good experiences with you, but as long as you stay true to yourself, whom you are, and what you stand for. Do your best, and if internally your a good person, with a good heart, and good intentions, you have nothing to worry about! 

"Family"

* Success to you means?..... Success in family to me means, simply just being the best person you can. With family it's tough to know you've been a successful family man or women, simply because that will be determined by the members of your family. Being a successful family man I think, requires more things like being understanding. Understanding to the fact that the members in your family are they own individuals, they have their own flaws, strengths, minds, and life. So, I think it important to ALWAYS be loving, stay open to change and seeing things in someone else perspective, stay fair, expect nothing, and STAY TRUE TO YOU! 

"Infinite mental growth and development"

*Success to you means??....Success in Infinite mental growth and development to me is WOW yourself! Continue to WOW yourself, rather that be with books and reading material, school, education, and learning new trades. Life offers us and unlimited amount of opportunities to learn and growth, you just have to be open and willing to. Often times, things like stubbornness, and pride gets in the way, keep your eyes, ears and mind open. Life is not short on wake up calls, we're just quick to hit the snooze button.

-SUMMARY

* Success to you means??..... In happiness, there will be a challenge In seeking, finding, and maintaining happiness. Life is a journey, the only thing constant is change and there will be things that happen in life that will hurt you and rob you of your happiness sometimes. Remember, Live your life fully, stay in tune to your hobbies, things you like to do and that satisfy you, THINGS NOT PEOPLE! Success in family to me means, simply just being the best person you can. All you can do is be, and do your best. No one has the right to ask you for more than that. Be understanding, stay fair, and expect nothing. Success in Infinite mental growth and development to me is WOW yourself! Continue to WOW yourself, rather that be with books and reading material, school, education, and learning new trades. Never stop growing, don't shy away from opportunities to learn, be willing to be wrong. Being wrong, often comes with an opportunity to learn and grow, as do uncomfortability.

In life we don't have all the answers. Life is and will always be one filled with many different angles, view points, and opinions. Yes we all have free voice, free choice to all of these things, however, it is very, VERY important that we stand on, and stand for something in life. A foundation is required to build anything, that includes a wholehearted happy life, that includes a happy family, that includes everything. With the influential powers of the world, as there are so many, in the form of people, religion, internet, TV, it is very easy to get lost in this world. Being lost in a world as biggest this one is a VERY VERY scary place. It is important that we figure out our core values, as it is the foundation in which we build our entire life on! While the process can be scary, long term it will help and transform your life, that I can promise!