How We Judge Others is How We Judge Ourselves

You ever wonder where people get there thoughts, feelings and perceptions about you, from?? I know I do all the time. We as people are always quick to say How much we don't care about how others view us, but when you seriously think about it, What people think about us may not define us to us, but to everybody else it kind of all they have, until we have the time and opportunity to prove them thoughts right or wrong.

I once knew a guy who made a lot of money. He saw the world as a series of value propositions. Everything from what holiday vacation to take, to which beer to choose at a restaurant, to why certain people liked him or not.

If someone was rude to him it was because they were jealous or felt threatened by his power or success. If someone was kind to him it was because they admired his power and success, and in some cases, may be trying to manipulate him to get more access to it.

He measured himself through his financial success. And naturally he measured the world and the people around him through financial success.

I once knew a woman who was beautiful. She saw the the world in terms of attraction and attention. Everything from job interviews to getting discounts at restaurants to dealing with a nagging mother.

If someone was rude to her it was because they were intimidated by her beauty or their own lack of beauty. If someone was kind to her it was because they admired her beauty and wanted access to it.

She measured herself through her beauty and attractiveness. And naturally she measured the world and people in it by their beauty and attractiveness.

I once knew a guy who was a loser. He was socially awkward and nobody liked him. He saw the world as a popularity contest, a contest that he was perpetually losing. Everything from how much he earned at work, to the poor service he got at restaurants, to the people who didn’t laugh at his jokes.

If someone was rude to him it was because they realized how much cooler they were than him. If someone was kind to him it was because they saw how much of a loser he was and took pity on him. Or perhaps they were just bigger losers than he was.

He measured himself through his social status. And naturally he measured the world and the people in it through social status.

Months ago, I wrote an article about the ways that we choose to measure the value of our own lives. Some of us measure our life through money and accolades. Others measure it through beauty and popularity. Others measure it through family and relationships. Others measure it through service and good deeds.

Chances are you measure it through some combination of all of these things, but one in particular matters most to you. One stands out and determines your happiness more than others.

In that article, I wrote that it’s important to measure ourselves by our own internal metrics as much as possible. The more external our metrics for our own value and self-worth, the more we screw everything up for ourselves.

But there’s more.

The way you measure yourself is how you measure others, and how you assume others measure you.

If you measure your life by your family relationships, then you will measure others by the same standard – how close their family is to them. If they’re distant from their family or don’t call home enough, you’ll judge them as deadbeats, ungrateful or irresponsible, regardless of their lives or their history.

If you measure your life by how much fun and partying you can have, then you will measure others by the same standard – how much fun and partying they have. If they prefer to stay home and watch Star Trek: Next Generation reruns every weekend, you’ll judge them as inhibited, scared of the world, lame and soulless, regardless of their personality or needs.

If you measure your life by how much you’ve traveled and experienced, then you will measure other people by the same standard – how worldly they’ve become. If they prefer to stay home and enjoy the comforts of routine, then you will judge them as incurious, ignorant, unambitious, regardless of what their aspirations really are.

The yardstick we use for ourselves is the yardstick we use for the world.

If we believe that we’re hard workers and we earned everything we have, then we will believe that everyone else earned what they have. And if they have nothing, it’s because they earned nothing.

If we believe that we’re victimized by society and deserve justice, then we will believe that others are victims of society and deserve justice as well. If we believe our value comes from faith in a higher power, then we will view others by their faith (or lack of faith) in a higher power. If we measure ourselves by our intellect and use of reason, then we will judge others through the same lens.

This is why people who areentrepreneurs tend to think that everyone else should be an entrepreneur as well. This is why people who are born-again Christians tend to believe that everyone should find salvation through Jesus Christ. This is why hardcore atheists try to logically argue about something that has nothing to do with logic. It’s why racists often claim that everyone else is racist too. They just don’t know it. It’s why sexist men justify their sexism by saying women are worse and sexist women justify their sexism by saying men are worse.

This isn’t to say that judging iswrong. There are plenty of values worth judgment. I judge people who are violent and malicious. But that is a reflection of who I am. I judge violence and malice within myself. Those are traits that I will not tolerate within myself, therefore I do not tolerate them in others.

But that is a choice I am making. That is a choice we are all making, whether we realize it or not. And we should make those choices consciously and not on auto-pilot.

It’s why people who think they’re ugly look for all of the ways people around them are ugly and why people who are lazy and slack off look for all of the ways others cut corners and slack off as well. It’s why corrupt officials choose to be corrupt: because they assume everyone else is as corrupt as they are. It’s why cheaters choose to cheat: because they assume everybody else is going to cheat if given the chance too.

It’s why those who can’t trust are the ones who can’t be trusted.

Many of us adopt our own internal yardsticks not through conscious choice but through the shaming we’re subjected to. I love the quote, “Everyone is either trying to prove or disprove who they were in high school,” because for many of us, our yardsticks are defined by how people viewed us growing up. We develop a fixation in one area of our lives because it’s the area which we felt people judged us the most. The high school cheerleader who is afraid to lose her looks as an adult. The poor kid obsessed with becoming rich. The loser who wants to throw the biggest parties. The slacker who wants to prove to everyone how smart he is.

A big part of our development is to recognize our own fixation, to recognize how we measure ourselves and consciously choose our metric for ourselves.

But another big part of development is to recognize that everyone has their own metric. And that metric is likely not going to be the same as ours. And that’s (usually) fine. Most metrics people choose are fine. Even if they’re not the same metrics you would choose for yourself.

You may view the world through family values, but most people do not. You may view the world through the metric of attractiveness, but most people do not. You may view the world through the metric of freedom and worldliness, but most people do not. You may view the world through the positivity and friendliness, but most people do not.

And that’s simply part of being human. Accepting that others measure themselves and the world differently than you do is one of the most important steps to consciouslychoosing the right relationships for yourself. It’s necessary for developing strong boundaries and deciding who you want to be a part of your life and who you do not. You may not accept a person’s ideas or behaviors.

But you must accept that you cannot change a person’s values for them. Just as we must choose our own measurement by ourselves and for ourselves. They must do it by themselves and for themselves.

What Do Our Tears Really Mean Or Say About Us As A Person? It DO NOT Signify Weakness!

  Tears are your body’s release valve for stress, sadness, grief, anxiety, and pain. You also have tears of joy such as when a child is born or tears of relief, as when a difficulty has passed. I am grateful when I can cry. I wish I could do it more. It feels cleansing to purge pent- up emotions so they don’t lodge in my body as stress symptoms such as fatigue or pain. To stay healthy and release stress, I encourage my patients to cry. For both men and women, tears are a sign of courage, strength, and authenticity. Research has shown that tears have many health benefits. Like the ocean, tears are salt water. They lubricate your eyes, remove irritants, and reduce stress hormones and they contain antibodies that fight infection. Our bodies produce three kinds of tears: reflex, continuous, and emotional. Each kind has different healing functions. For instance, reflex tears remove noxious particles from your eyes when they’re irritated. The second kind, continuous tears, keep your eyes and nose lubricated. The third kind, emotional tears, stimulate the production of endorphins, our body’s natural painkillers which help us recover from trauma. Crying also helps the body excrete stress hormones. Interestingly, humans are the only creatures known to shed emotional tears though elephants and gorillas may do so too. Crying makes us feel better, even when a problem persists. Along with physical detoxification, emotional tears heal a broken heart. You don’t want to hold tears back. Patients sometimes say, “Please excuse me for crying. I was trying not to because it makes me feel weak.” I know where that sentiment comes from: parents who were uneasy around tears, a society that tells us we’re weak for crying, and in particular that “real men don’t cry.” Also, we may feel that it’s too painful to cry, that floodgates of anguish might open that can’t be closed. I reject these notions. The new enlightened paradigm of what constitutes a powerful man or woman is someone who has the strength and self- awareness to cry— and if necessary the willingness to seek support to deal with overwhelming feelings. These are the people who impress me, not those who put up some macho front of faux bravado. Try to let go of clichéd conceptions about crying. Crying is necessary to work through grief. When waves of tears come over us after we experience a loss, they are helping us process the loss so that we can keep living with open hearts. Otherwise, we are leaving ourselves open to depression, bitterness, or physical symptoms (emotional pain can morph into disease in our bodies) if we suppress these potent feelings. The point isn’t to get consumed by emotional pain but to resolve it . When a friend apologized for curling up in the fetal position on my floor and weeping over a failing romance, I told her, “Your tears blessed my floor. There is nothing to apologize for.” Thank God our bodies can cry. I hope you too can surrender to your tears. Let them purify suffering and negativity. 

Everybody Is Not Like You And That's Ok. Understanding That Makes Life Much More Clear

The yardstick we use for ourselves is the yardstick we use for the world

Many of us adopt our own internal yardsticks not through conscious choice but through the shaming we’re subjected to. I love the quote, “Everyone is either trying to prove or disprove who they were in high school,” because for many of us, our yardsticks are defined by how people viewed us growing up. We develop a fixation in one area of our lives because it’s the area which we felt people judged us the most. The high school cheerleader who is afraid to lose her looks as an adult. The poor kid obsessed with becoming rich. The loser who wants to throw the biggest parties. The slacker who wants to prove to everyone how smart he is.

A big part of our development is to recognize our own fixation, to recognize how we measure ourselves and consciously choose our metric for ourselves.

But another big part of development is to recognize that everyone has their own metric. And that metric is likely not going to be the same as ours. And that’s (usually) fine. Most metrics people choose are fine. Even if they’re not the same metrics you would choose for yourself. 

You may view the world through family values, but most people do not. You may view the world through the metric of attractiveness, but most people do not. You may view the world through the metric of freedom and worldliness, but most people do not. You may view the world through the positivity and friendliness, but most people do not. 

And that’s simply part of being human. Accepting that others measure themselves and the world differently than you do is one of the most important steps to consciously choosing the right relationships for yourself. It’s necessary for developing strong boundaries and deciding who you want to be a part of your life and who you do not. You may not accept a person’s ideas or behaviors. 

But you must accept that you cannot change a person’s values for them. Just as we must choose our own measurement by ourselves and for ourselves. They must do it by themselves and for themselves..

Many of us adopt our own internal yardsticks not through conscious choice but through the shaming we’re subjected to. I love the quote, “Everyone is either trying to prove or disprove who they were in high school,” because for many of us, our yardsticks are defined by how people viewed us growing up. We develop a fixation in one area of our lives because it’s the area which we felt people judged us the most. The high school cheerleader who is afraid to lose her looks as an adult. The poor kid obsessed with becoming rich. The loser who wants to throw the biggest parties. The slacker who wants to prove to everyone how smart he is.

A big part of our development is to recognize our own fixation, to recognize how we measure ourselves and consciously choose our metric for ourselves.

But another big part of development is to recognize that everyone has their own metric. And that metric is likely not going to be the same as ours. And that’s (usually) fine. Most metrics people choose are fine. Even if they’re not the same metrics you would choose for yourself. 

You may view the world through family values, but most people do not. You may view the world through the metric of attractiveness, but most people do not. You may view the world through the metric of freedom and worldliness, but most people do not. You may view the world through the positivity and friendliness, but most people do not.  

And that’s simply part of being human. Accepting that others measure themselves and the world differently than you do is one of the most important steps to consciously choosing the right relationships for yourself. It’s necessary for developing strong boundaries and deciding who you want to be a part of your life and who you do not. You may not accept a person’s ideas or behaviors. 

But you must accept that you cannot change a person’s values for them. Just as we must choose our own measurement by ourselves and for ourselves. They must do it by themselves and for themselves.

Bengals@Ravens Preview

As the Cincinnati Bengals target a fourth straight playoff appearance, the first challenge is to end their struggles in Baltimore.

The reigning AFC North champions look to avoid a fifth consecutive road defeat to a Ravens team minus its star running back for the first of two straight games Sunday.

Cincinnati is riding its most successful stretch in team history, but each postseason has been a short-lived experience. Its 27-10 loss to San Diego marked the third straight exit in the wild-card round.

"We have to win one in the playoffs," owner Mike Brown said. "It sticks in our craw. First, we have to get the opportunity again.

"That is a long, hard road. We have a tough schedule, we respect our opponents, we take nothing for granted. But in our hearts -- in my heart, too -- I think we stack up OK and we are anxious to prove we are going to be a successful team again."

The Bengals will be tested immediately in Baltimore, where they last won 17-14 in 2009. Last season, Andy Dalton threw a desperation 51-yard pass that was tipped and then caught by A.J. Green in the end zone to force overtime. However, Cincinnati lost 20-17.

"It's a great opportunity for us to have another growing step," left tackle Andrew Whitworth said. "We've talked about it over the years. We've had this little step here or that little step there where this team's continued to improve. But we haven't won in Baltimore."

Dalton's passing yards and touchdown totals have increased in each of his three seasons. His 33 TDs in 2013 trailed only Peyton Manning and Drew Brees, and his 4,293 yards ranked seventh.

However, he's completed 52.6 percent of his passes with three TDs, seven interceptions and been sacked 11 times while going 0-3 at Baltimore. His 52.2 passer rating in last year's loss was the second-lowest of his career.

"It's big," said Dalton, who threw a career-high 20 interceptions in 2013. "The way the schedule is, they start us off right off the bat with a division opponent. So it does set the tone. It really shows the expectations of what we have here."

Despite their struggles in Baltimore, the Bengals have reason to be confident.

Green set career bests with 98 catches and 1,426 yards while recording 11 TDs for the second consecutive season. His 260 receptions are the most in NFL history for any player in his first three seasons.

After amassing 1,209 total yards and scoring eight touchdowns as a rookie, Giovani Bernard is the featured back, and bruising rookie Jeremy Hill is also expected to have an impact.

Defensively, Vontaze Burfict earned a three-year contract extension worth a maximum of $20.05 million after recording a league-high 171 tackles for a defense that ranked seventh overall, allowing 282.8 yards per game, and second in passing at 159.2 yards per contest.

Baltimore won the North in 2011 and 2012 and reached the playoffs in five straight seasons prior to finishing 8-8 and missing the postseason a year after winning the Super Bowl.

"You look at last season -- it's over, it's said, it's done with, it didn't go the way we wanted," defensive end Chris Canty said. "We didn't end up in the postseason. Ultimately, we want to give ourselves an opportunity to compete for championships around here.

"We put that behind us, we try to focus on what we can do to improve, so we can be where we want to be at the end of this regular season."

Baltimore starts the season without Ray Rice, who earned a surprisingly short NFL-imposed, two-game suspension for a domestic violence incident involving his then-fiancee. Though commissioner Roger Goodell recently admitted he was too lenient on Rice, the three-time Pro Bowl running back has been remorseful.

"No football games and no money was going to determine what I have to live with the rest of my life," he said at a July 31 news conference. "So whether it was two games, four games, six games, eight games, I was going to own my actions and be a man about it and take whatever was given to me."

When Rice returns, he'll try to bounce back from a 2013 season in which he dealt with a hip injury and rushed for 660 yards and four TDs -- his lowest totals since recording 454 and no touchdowns as a rookie in 2008.

Backup Bernard Pierce was not much better, gaining 436 yards and scoring twice, but will start Sunday.

Baltimore's 3.1 yards per carry last season were the lowest in the NFL, and its 1,328 rushing yards were the worst in team history.

Former Houston coach Gary Kubiak hopes to improve those numbers in his first season as offensive coordinator, and receiver Steve Smith arrives after 13 seasons catching 836 passes for 12,197 yards and 67 TDs with. Carolina.

Smith provides another target for Joe Flacco, who completed 59.0 percent of his passes while throwing 19 touchdowns and a career-high 22 interceptions -- 10 more than in any of his previous five seasons.

Baltimore selected Alabama linebacker C.J. Mosley with the 17th overall pick to reinforce a unit that allowed 134 fourth-quarter points -- eight more than it yielded in the first and third combined***** 

GAME PREDICTION**** SPREAD: RAVENS -1

As you can see, the Ravens are favorite by 1, shouldn't surprise Cincinnati fans, usually picked to lose to everybody except Cleveland. If you read, listen and look around majority have Cincinnati losing this football game. The most common reason I hear and reason why has nothing to do with the play on the field though, and that blows my mind. Everybody wants to point to the struggles the Bengals have had playing in Baltimore. I'm not one to get lost in that home field stuff, do it make a differences? Yes, I believe it do but I don't believe it can win or lose you a football game. 

When you pick games, you make picks to get them right, not to be going out on a Limb or just talking.

At the end of the day, the Cincinnati Bengals are a better football team then the Baltimore Ravens, they just are and because of that, regardless where they play, I think Cincinnati will win the football game 21-10

The Reds 'basically gives' The Brewers Broxton.

The Cincinnati Reds have traded right-handed reliever Jonathan Broxton to the first-placeMilwaukee Brewers for two players to be named later, the Brewers announced Sunday.

Broxton, 30, has 21 holds and seven saves against six blown saves with a 1.86 ERA, 1.01 WHIP and 37 strikeouts in 48 1/3 innings this season. The two-time All-Star is signed through 2015 with a club option for 2016 (which becomes a mutual option now that he's been traded). He's set to make $9 million next season.

It's likely that Broxton's role will be to setup forFrancisco Rodriguez initially, though it's feasible to see Broxton taking over at closer at some point. K-Rod has allowed runs in three of his last four outings and sports a 4.86 ERA in his last 18 outings. Of course, Broxton's ERA in August is 5.23.

There's no immediate word on the Reds' return. Given the salary, though, it's likely this is mostly a salary dump and the players to be named won't be highly-touted prospects.

Sunday is Aug. 31, which is the final day that teams can acquire players and still have said players be eligible for the postseason roster.

Burfict Sign 4yr Extension.

Vontaze Burfict is about to make the move to a higher tax bracket. After only pulling in $390,000 in his rookie year, Burfict will make $7.6 million in 2014 thanks to a four-year extension he agreed to with the Bengals on Wednesday. 

According to ESPN.com, the extension will pay Burfict $20 million over the next four seasons, including the aforementioned $7.6 million in 2014. 

Burfict originally signed with the Bengals as an undrafted free agent out of Arizona State in 2012. The linebacker signed a three-year, $1.441 million rookie deal after character concerns kept him from getting drafted. 

The 23-year-old has been a bargain for the Bengals, starting in 30 of the team's 32 games over the past two seasons while making a base salary of less than $500,000 in each season. 

Besides the money in his new deal, Burfict has at least two other big paychecks coming his way. Thanks to the NFL's performance based pay bonus, Burfict will get a $299,465 check for his 14 starts in 2012 and $315,847 for his 16 starts in 2013. Burfict will receive those checkson April 1, 2015 and April 1, 2016.  

The performance-based pay program works to compensate players whose level of playing time was much higher than what their salary would have paid.

Why I Support The Dalton Deal, And Why Any Supporter Shouldn't Be Surprise By The Bash'n.

S

 

 

You saw the contract numbers for Andy Dalton's extension Monday and you laughed. It was probably a loud one, too.

 

What the hell are the Cincinnati Bengals doing giving Dalton a six-year extension for $115 million, right?

 

What they are doing is being smart, especially if the contract is structured the right way. Dalton has flaws and has come up small in the playoffs, but he's also has taken the Bengals to the playoffs each of his first three seasons, which is special. He's also thrown 80 touchdown passes in those three seasons, 33 last season, which is why extending him for six seasons makes sense.

Yet ripping Dalton is a blood sport. He's likeCarson Palmer. He's like Tony Romo. They've all had regular-season success, but have not got it done in the playoffs.

So they stink. They're chokers.

 

Yet players like Russell Wilson and Colin Kaepernick are considered rising stars because, playing on good teams, they've won in the postseason.

Wilson and Kaepernick have talent, but I've had a handful of NFL people tell me the Seahawks would have won the Super Bowl last season with Dalton playing quarterback.

"He could have managed it just like Wilson did," one general manager said. "Wilson is more athletic, and gets outside the pocket to create plays, but Dalton would have found a way with that defense and running game."

 

The love for the mobile quarterback and the read-option plays actually has made players like Wilson and Kaepernick overrated, which isn't fair since they shouldn't be rated as high as they are anyway.

At some point, they will have to learn to play in the pocket. As one NFL quarterback said to me, "Two years. That stuff where they run around has two years left. It will be figured out. Then what? Two years."

 

I am not saying Dalton is among the NFL's elite, but he is more than capable of winning a Super Bowl with a good team, much like Wilson did.

Dalton's 33 touchdown passes was the third-highest total last season behind Peyton Manning and Drew Brees. He was seventh in passing yards, 12th in yards per attempt. He did throw 20 picks, which is way too many, but he was also eighth in attempts, also way too high. He has 60 touchdown passes the past two seasons, also third behind Manning and Brees. Yes, he has had issues when the protection breaks down, but who doesn't. One of the flaws in the Bengals' offense is the line is taught to go back in pass protection instead of punching forward. That leads to passes being batted down and bad lanes for vision. With a shorter quarterback, this makes no sense and leads to problems in the passing game.

 

Dalton was better than Wilson and Kaepernick in the fourth quarter, which throws a little water on the supposed "choke" factor.

At the league meetings in March, coach Marvin Lewis was almost defiant when reporters challenged him about Dalton being a good enough quarterback. I sat and watched Lewis seethe as questions came his way about Dalton's inability to win in the playoffs, including a loss last year at home to San Diego.

 

"It's easy to point at one guy, but baloney, the football team didn't play as well as we needed to win," Lewis said.

There are four elite quarterbacks: Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, Aaron Rodgers and Drew Brees. Then there's another group right behind them that I think includes Phillip Rivers,Andrew Luck, Ben Roethlisberger and Matt Ryan. After that, you can scramble 9-18 any way you want, and Dalton is in that mix.

 

That's why the Bengals were smart to extend Dalton. I would imagine the deal would be similar to the one Kaepernick recently signed, which is a show-me type of deal that has guarantees each year -- not a huge up-front guarantee.

I am OK with that type of deal for both. Yes, Kaepernick and Wilson have had had more postseason success than Dalton, but consider this: Trent Dilfer won a Super Bowl and Dan Marino never did.

Like Lewis and every coach preaches to his players and the media: It's a team game. The quarterbacks is a huge part of it, now more than ever, but there are only a handful who can carry a team year in and year out.

 

The other teams have to hope everything goes well and the quarterback is good enough.

Seattle won a title that way last season. San Francisco has come close.

Cincinnati has been to the playoffs three consecutive seasons with that model after winning four games the year before Dalton took over. So this deal isn't as bad as you think.

Neither is Dalton.

 

By: Pete Prisco

Reds Ownership Blames Media Coverage for Lack of Season Ticket Sales

After winning 90 games and qualifying for the postseason last year, the Reds had a very quiet offseason. They lost Shin-Soo Choo and Bronson Arroyo to free agency, signed Skip Schumaker and Brayan Pena, traded Ryan Hanigan for a pitching prospect, and that's about it. They did sign Homer Bailey to a long-term extension, but he's not a new addition.

Team owner Bob Castellini told John Fay of the Cincinnati Enquirer that the team has to watch itself financially -- "We’re not going to blow this franchise up by overextending ourselves ... It’s never going to happen." -- and he is not happy with the way the media covered their offseason. He went so far as to say season ticket sales did not increase as much as expected because of the media coverage.

“That season-ticket number is the most important number we can generate,” Castellini said. “Sponsorships are very important. Advertising is important. But the biggest thing we concentrate on is season tickets.

“So when you guys start writing right during the caravan about money, the fact that we didn’t add any guys ... well, we had all these guys hurt. We knew we wanted to sign Homer. We knew we were going to make some other commitments. It’s not that we didn’t look. It gets written in such a way – ‘Well, the Reds aren’t doing anything’ – that really does affect people buying season tickets.

“Personally, I get a little ticked off. That’s life. But it’s the franchise. (Chief operating officer) Phil (Castellini) and his guys are out there trying to sell 20-game packages. It hurts when (the media is obsessed with money). It came at the wrong time with the wrong emphasis. That hurts us. If you’re going to write that we didn’t sign anybody, at least write that we had (Johnny) Cueto, (Ryan) Ludwick and all these other guys hurt.”

Fay says season ticket sales are up compared to last year but are still short of the team's goal of 13,000 to 14,000. Attendance has increased every season since 2007, topping out at just under 2.5 million fans in 2013. The team has won 90-plus games and gone to the postseason in three of the last four years.

The Reds' local television contract is up in 2017 and the club should see a big boost in revenue when they work out a new deal. Fay says they currently receive about $30 million annually from their current deal, which isn't much compared to what teams are getting through recent agreements.

More than saying the media is the blame for the slower than expected season ticket sales, Castellini is wrong to imply that Reds' fans can't form opinions of their own. The media could have spent the winter saying letting Choo walk was a great move, but the fans can see for themselves that losing him will be a huge downgrade. This isn't rocket science.

Nothing affects ticket sales as much as winning and roster moves, and the Reds didn't do much of the latter these last five months. Not at all.

Why Are Men Vilified At The End Of Relationships?

I was asked earlier the same question earlier and it was ironically, something I can relate to at that current moment. I didn't have an answer though, and after thinking about it I don't. As sad as it is to say, I guess it just come with being the man of a relationship. What I do know is relationships don't just end, a lot of events and mistakes take place before a relationship ends and believe it or not both parties usually play a role in the mistakes. Although both parties play a role, as a man, you will be judge, stereotyped, you will be demeaned, dishonored, disrespected, talked about, vilified by you guys mutual friends and sometimes even your own kin once that relationship ends. Truth be told Men, 9 times out of 10, becomes the villain once a relationship ends and I wonder why? There's always two sides to every story, differences, and different equations that leads up to the best, but unfortunate solutions. In relationships, you can only do what you know, you can only do your best, you can be the best person you know how and put your best effort forward. Successful relationships require that all parties, view getting their core needs met as being legitimate. Relationships that last, and blossom are the ones where your best is good enough to your significant other. They take it, work with it, add to it, and help grow your best to even better. Unfortunately often times that don't happen and when people inquire on what went wrong, and why things didn't work, as they will, its usually he or she did this, or didn't do this that's how the story often times end. I'm sure there's many people who can relate, and maybe you all have a logical answer, or one that make sense, cause I don't. After all that I still can't help but wonder Why Man is always vilified at the end of relationship? Man, Woman let me know???

Reds and Bailey Far Apart In Contract Negotiation

Even after letting Bronson Arroyo leave as a free agent, the Reds have a strong rotation led by Johnny Cueto, Mat Latos and Homer Bailey. Bailey is due to become a free agent next winter and the two sides are talking about a long-term contract extension, but right now they are nowhere close to a deal.

There's an enormous gap between the #reds last offer and what Homer Bailey wants in a long-term deal, source says.

— Jerry Crasnick (@jcrasnick) February 8, 2014
It's going to take some major compromise for Bailey to sign and avoid hitting the market as a free agent in November. #reds

— Jerry Crasnick (@jcrasnick) February 8, 2014
Bailey, 27, filed for $11.6 million in salary arbitration last month while the Reds countered with $8.7 million. He earned $5.35 million last summer and will surely be looking for Zack Greinke (seven years, $147 million) and Masahiro Tanaka (seven years, $155 million) money next winter with a strong 2014 season, if not more.

In 32 starts last year, Bailey set several career bests, including innings pitched (209), ERA (3.49), WHIP (1.12), strikeout rate (8.6 K/9), strikeout-to-walk rate (3.69) and WAR (3.2). He also tied his career bests in walk rate (2.3 BB/9) and home run rate (0.9 HR/9). Bailey has also thrown two no-hitters in his last 34 starts. Needless to say, his career is on the upswing.

According to Cot's, the Reds will open the year with a payroll right around $100 million, similar to last year. They currently have $68.7 million committed for 2015 but will have to deal with several pricey arbitration cases next offseason, including Cueto, Latos, Mike Leake and Aroldis Chapman, among others.

It seems unlikely Cincinnati will be able to keep the core of their rotation intact beyond next season without significantly raising payroll. Trading Bailey at the deadline for younger (and cheaper) players could be an option, but it may not happen if the Reds are in contention. This will be a situation worth monitoring all year for sure