#THOUGHTSWITHACIGAR

#THOUGHTSWITHACIGAR, Think of this as a thread post. Here you will see an ever-growing list of thoughts—not necessarily right or wrong. The truth is, I smoke cigars, and while smoking those cigars, I have a lot of thoughts. Many in which I consider 'deep'. This is where those thoughts get posted. So, ideally, every time you visit this page, this thread will likely be at the top of the page because it's constantly updated and will have a new thought—one that I had while smoking a cigar. Enjoy!

- We have to stop putting such a negative connotation on lying. No matter how you put it, lying is a form of protection. Whether it's yourself or someone else, we lie to protect something or somebody. I have never heard anyone say that protection was negative. The irony of it all is that lying does the exact opposite; in the end, it always inflicts pain on something or somebody, whether that something or someone is the very thing we were trying to protect in the first place. That is why it will NEVER be okay. THAT is the lesson that needs to be learned.

- I was taught and conditioned not to need or want anything from anyone. Look at my life! If I need a mountain moved, I move it myself. I've seen my mother do that my entire life. I ultimately learned that that was not the case even for her, but it is still the lesson I learned from watching her life. It's not a bad thing either. While it's not the only way to do or get things, it's still the most reliable way.

Devil's Lake

These pictures are almost exactly four years apart. The picture on your left had so much going on! First and foremost, COVID, which we all went through, but on my personal journey, at that moment, who knew the storm I was about to endure? I was on the road for work, losing the woman I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I had a ring💍, ready to propose, too. I would have my amazing daughter and I would get the job offer of my dreams, only to lose it because of the color of my skin.

The picture on the right is me now hair longer, beard is gone. Again four years later, after a 17-month legal battle to get my dream job back, now I'm two years into living my dream, living my purpose-driven life of serving each and every one of you, and through the storms of my personal life, this place hasn't changed! 4 years ago the tears here was of surrow and pain. Today it's tears of joy, it's tear of relief, and strength I didn't even know I had. I have a few places in this world, like this, that I consider very sacred places. I challenge you to find a few of your own. It don't have to be in Wisconsin or anywhere other than the place you live in now, find Sacred places that you visit every so often that feed your spirit! Places that remain consistent and remind you that, even though you go through storms in your life, as we all do, if you hang on and persevere, the journey, man, it is bittersweet and worth it 👌🏾 💫

From then until now, there have been many people who hate me for who and what I am. I am fine with that, at least I am not trying to be someone I am not.

The paradigm shift between our ancestors' love and our love.

The differences between the adults who were our grandparents, who were in their 30s and 40s back in the 70s and who created us, and us who are now in our 30s and 40s, are ultimately few and far between, in my opinion.

Of course, our ancestors did not have nor face the same problems we face in today's world. That's not realistic, considering how much and how many things have changed since then, including how we view the world and dating as a whole.

In my opinion, the biggest difference is the fact that the problems our ancestors faced were more worldly problems—problems outside themselves—that they could only overcome and effect change if they did it as a unit, you know, together. I think the fact that they so greatly needed to lean on each other and depend on each other to make this world a better place for you and me made them love more patiently, love harder, love deeper, love stronger, hence the baby boom.

I can assure you there will not be another baby boom in this world as we know it. Today’s 30-40-something-year-olds (you can even throw the 50s in here too), unlike the ones before us, like to pretend that our worldly problems and issues exist as no part of us. They are there, but we ignore them no matter how clear they are. Also, unlike the ones before us, the things we prioritize are all internal. We prioritize what we want, not need, how to get it, how to get as much of it as possible, and what we have to do to get it all, regardless of the destruction and other people we have to use and sometimes ruin to get it.

It applies not only to men, not only to women, but to all of humanity. Whatever your vice is—money, power/status, or sex (usually the big three we all fall under at least one), among many other things—whatever it is, it is because of this shift and change in core values that the marriage rate is down (which is the only reason the divorce rate is down, coincidentally), why there are fewer babies being born every year, and why more people are single and single later in life than our ancestors were. To our own detriment and destruction, we become more independent and selfishly focused on our own needs, not the needs of the world and, most importantly, the future.

It is for this reason that there's a monumental shift in how humans love each other today compared to how they loved each other back in the day. I guess that leads to the question of where the shift happened. Where was that change? Where did our ancestors go wrong at some point in raising us that they didn't pass that along to us. I guess I better get back to the books and research.

Let me know what your opinion is on this....

💕 My Favorite Week of the Year

Here in the US, it’s Valentine’s Day this week, a (supposedly) romantic holiday. Use this week to reflect on your romantic relationships (or lack of them) and align your actions with your expectations. I’ve observed over the years that many people who are chronically single or struggling in relationships, it’s because they inaccurately gauge what they’re giving and what they’re getting in return.

I'm doing something really special on my social media outlet Wednesday! You don't wanna miss this it's going to be oh so sweet and lovely 😍🥰 Go find and follow me on the outlets. 

Happy MLK Day.

Today is Martin Luther Kings Jr day! As I was working yesterday, I took a moment to kind of get still and take in where I was at. Here's a couple of the pics that hang at the 2's house.

I don't think things happen by chance, I also don't think that it was coincidence that out of 50+ people in my class, I was the only one assigned to the 2's house out of the academy. Let me tell you why I love the 2's house. Being honest, The 2's house is the only house that you can go to and actually not just see, but feel diversification, equality, and inclusion. As I've traveled to all the houses in the city in the year or so I've been back, As I proudly state 'where I'm normally at' it's comical what happens to the facial reactions and demeanor of people who ask. Surprisingly(Not) of

course the 2's is the most talked about, and frankly sh!t'd upon houses in the department, even by some of the very people, whom birth of this job started there. They use things like lack of training, no growth/promotion ability, lack of work ethnic(2nd busiest in the city), abilities, I've even heard 'cleanliness of the house is why I hate it there' lol. The truth is the rest of the houses sh!t on the 2's because any given unit day, it's staff is 80% black, and it's the only house where that exist.

I can't know for sure, but I bet that's what Dr. King was going through in his prime of dreaming and marching. It was constant Push back, restrain, oppression-and ultimately led to his assassination- for just wanting to be equal, nothing more than wanting to be respected, seen and heard for living, or in this case doing the very same job, as his peers.

So, yes! Your Goddamn right, there's pride, joy and solace everyday that I put on my uniform and go to work. Regardless rather I'm home at the 2's or traveling to other houses and representing the 2's house loudly and proudly! And when I'm there I'm glad to be HOME, and wouldn't rather be anywhere else! So Thank you Dr. King, and the many who came before me at the 2's, for giving me a home, in a industry/field where you couldn't always find one.

My Allure for Fame

When people ask me as a kid,  if i wanted to be famous and I said yeah, they ask why?

As I grew grown and did things that allowed me to travel and see the world and it's people, I discovered what's been within me forever.  For me it was only so I can have interesting conversations with people. You have to remember I'm just a black African America male who grew up in conservative a$$ Ohio,  most people around Ohio when I was growing up didn't look like me. And Even now people are not really interested in really opening up to have fierce in-depth conversation with someone who looks like me. So why be famous? $#it as a kid, I knew ALL people wanted to talk to famous people. 

Will and Jada

I've read Will's so it only makes logical sense that I dive into Jada's. I say logical because it's so easy to listen to others opinions, and fall into the bias of others online who not only hadn't read Will's but certainly haven't took time to get to know Jada, through her bio. I typically don't give energy to celebrate gossip. Will Smith for me, not only made me laugh as a teenager like many of us, but between his movies and following his spiritual path throughout my 20s to even now,  has really help shape me as a man. That makes this situation a little different. While Jada journey not so much had an effect on me, I definitely wanna give the compassion, and kindness to learn her story.

It's so easy to judge and throw stones,  that's all I've heard in the opinions from the internet investigators, but you never know when it can be you. Hell it's been many of you already, maybe not in the spotlight as this relationship has been, but the pains of relationship trauma, family drama, and divorce are all the same. My hope is that we can offer the compassion and kindness too each other when our lives are changing as they constantly do.

We're hard on others because we're hard on ourselves, we're hard on ourselves which make us hard on others. I'm looking forward to learning Jada's story.