There's no better way to evaluate your mind and thought process then to write stuff out, Sometimes you realize how fucking stupid you are, other times you realize, HOLY SHIT! I got something good here.
I hate having to let people go. As an empathic person, who cares, it a terribly demoralizing thing to do. Letting go of some relationships are easier to do than others, because all the relationships you have in life, some you simply value more than others.
Even if letting a person go is the right thing to do, it not what we built a relationship for. Regardless of the type of relationship, rather it be companionship, association-ship, friendship, intimate relationship, We don't like to lose, and letting go, feel likes a lost.
However, it is vital to your quality of life to know and understand that In life You train people how to treat you. With that said If you allow people to manipulate, deceive and abuse you in any way or form, they will continue to do it. You have to let your feelings count. And sometimes that simply mean cutting ties. Growth happens in many ways and form, good and bad, we all grow, every day, and many times in growth, we grow in different directions than the people dearest to us.
In the words of my auntie Iyanla "Baby, you got meet people where they are, you have to meet people where they are, but sometimes, sometimes you have to leave them there."
One of the best things about having an interest and an enjoyment in behavioral psychology is that there's always work to do and an abundance of learning material out there. It is one of very few fields of study where your always learning and working just from the simple act of human relations. Through all walks of life, we communicate with people 24/7, especially with phones and technology of that. Without plan, I talk to people and some post just write themselves through the conversation.
I cringe every time someone says, that somebody else is "too good", and "too perfect". Only If you knew, not what you just said out your mouth, but what I just heard out your being, and your spirit. One of my life goals is to get people, women in particular, to understand when a man talks down to you, tell you all that crap about how your not worth this, you not worth that, all that demeaning, derogatory stuff, they're really just talking to themselves using you as a mirror. "I feel so unworthy myself, that I'm gone inflict all this on you and your soul so I'm not alone."
I understand where it comes from, the insecurities, and investing your self more into someone then you even invest in yourself, what I would love to figure out is how and at what point do people get to that point Where another human being, as imperfect as we all our can tell you your worth and hold power over you even after the relationship. Like where is the fear instilled In a heart that stop people from moving on and willing to run the risk of missing out on "too perfect" or "too good". I guess that's where I differ, The risk of missing out on better, and being stuck in a rut with that type of person would scare me shit-less. It like being held captive, and being a prisoner to someone who, only speak of your unworthiness, because it to Painful to face the fact that they're really speaking to themselves. I wonder if people realize you can only move and grow as they do when someone holds that power over you. Your no longer even an individual person, what if we took the rights and all the freedoms of being an individual away from people who failed victim to this? I don't know, what I do know is this is by far one of the most unattractive things placed upon the soul.
Monday, March 6, 2017
5 things I took away from my first experience of the #ArnoldClassic fitness expo..
1. The fitness world/community, what a treat it is to be apart of, events like this one make it so worth the work required to acquire acute fitness and health and wellness.
2. BEAUTIFUL! My God, there was some beautiful sights to see there 😉😍, I'll be going every year for the rest of my life most likely.
3. Sticking to God, thank God for whomever invented yoga pants!!! Who ever you are, I don't know if you knew the phenomenon that would be created, when the combo of yoga pants and fit women intertwined, but for every men in the world I'll like to say thank you!
4. It's good to have status and know people. Our entire experience was great, VIPish. From the expo itself, the last min dinner reservations, no wait entrance to the clubs, VIP treatment in the club, to staying in the club til pass 4am drinking, I'm still young and like to do that stuff, sorry not sorry. I didn't know Columbus could be so fun.
5. I can charm women and apparently men (unintentionally) in a very fast and short amount of time. I haven't figured out if this is a good or bad thing yet, but it was a good and bad thing this weekend, mostly good. Don't ask for details.
All in all, what a time. I had more fun, then I expected. I'm looking forward to next March and returning. I would recommend you do to, but Unfortunately if your not into fitness I don't think it will be fun for you, if you are YOU MUST GO AT LEAST ONCE.
I have many fire brother and sister and military personnel who don't understand, Newsflash many of you want cause it's a BLACK thing. YES I SAID IT! Colin has a right to an opinion just like you, and if you don't like how he did it DEAL WITH IT! Everybody say he shouldn't did it like that, Last I remember the point in protest was to get attention brought about to a situation. What blows my mind most is those of you who never been in any of these fields, may have a sibling or family member in the service, don't count for your opinion, YOU REALLY don't get it, and don't even have a valid right to an opinion, any more than Colin do.
See for me, I work in a industry that is dominated by whites, especially where I'm located. It also happens to be an industry that funded by government and valued or admired by this country, it's full of ex service men and women, and vets. There can be 101 arguments about why blacks are few and far between when it come to being firefighters, and I personal know people, employee and not that has valid points and reasoning that says our industry is designed to keep blacks scarcit. These are arguments and conversation nobody wants to have, even in this industry. The reason people don't want to have hard conversation, is because they usually fear the outcome, they fear being wrong, and most people hate change, especially if the system, or the way things are being done, doesn't negatively effect them. Bring us back to the Colin situation, As I can relate best I'll tell you this, Try being 1 black of 90 fire cadets in your class!!! The shit I heard and been tease with, you don't want to know the half! Could you fathom the uncomfortability of looking around you everyday for 2 years and seeing no one that looks like you? It take a lot of tough skin and tolerating offensive jokes and gestures.
Allow me to shut down the notion that Colin was being bashful or "disrespectful" to military personnel, in fact don't let me speak for Colin, he can do it;
“I have great respect for men and women that have fought for this country. I have family, I have friends, who have gone and fought for this country. And they fight for freedom. They fight for the people — they fight for liberty and justice … for everyone. And that’s not happening. I mean people are dying in vain because this country isn’t holding their end of the bargain up, as far as giving freedom and liberty and justice to everybody.” -Colin Kaepernick
As you can see, Colin protest efforts was never to disrespect man and women of our military. People
want to make it like it was, just to cover up the whole reasoning for why he really did it! Do we see the pathology here? We keep trying to cover up the real issue. One could easily argue that it more wrong to use the spirits and efforts of past and present military personnel to cover up injustice and wrong doing of police, and the justice system in this country.
"So, what he did and doing ain't changing anything" is what many people say in response; Listen no one man or woman on this earth have the power to change a situation that was taught and molded in the hearts, souls, and beings of the people of America. What one man and woman do have is the power of their love and support, and for empathetic and compassionate beings, that's a strong power. He used his platform to express love and support, for the very people who don't have the platform or the power to make this country buzz. I'm here writing about, your reading and talking about, it on every sports channel and even national news. I have to be honest, I'm felling a helluva lot more powerful and supported today, little ole me, because of Colin.
I'll end with this, At this time, We must have the conversation, that as an African Americans in this country, you are not safe from the people who are entrusted to protect you, YOU'RE SIMPLY NOT. As scary and ugly as it is, as a people ALL people, we must acknowledge AND accept that truth and
stop letting the scared, and unwilling acknowledgers tell you that what you see in front of your eyes
time and time again, ain't reality, when it is! We have to be honest, before change will come.
I support you, Colin Kaepernick. I acknowledge and admire your fight, your stance, the courage and bravado to stand, take a stand and having the ball speak out about what you stand for and believe in. It is not easy having a DIFFERENT opinion or an unpopular one, there will always be push back, and in this life whatever you do, you'll always piss somebody off, it just part of the process. You better get comfortable with roughing folks feathers keep on keeping on, Stay in peace NOT in pieces!
Had a friend ask me "what's something I can strive for daily to make everyday more satisfactory and happy?" I had nothing, but I remembered how we're molded for connectivity although societal norm teaches us to chase, strive and admirer independence. Suddenly I just gave him my everyday strive and goal....
Everyday I tell myself to be the person my dog thinks I am!
Why?
Our pets are the only sources in life that can offer us the "POSSIBLITY" of unconditional love. Rather you want to believe it or, it can't come from your spouse, gf or bf, it don't come from our parents, siblings, or family. We all wish it would, but reality is that it don't. We're human, and we make mistakes by dozen, daily, and a lot of them mistakes are unloving. Truth is, unconditional love is a practice, one we should practice everyday, some people know how to display it more than others but its not constant. Our pets though, and I don't know why, but they offer the closest resemblance to it, so strive to be the person your pet thinks you is, in my case that Sasha. Bad or good day, happy or sad she is always her same loving self. For me that's Sasha!
As we all know, as parents, parenting can be a highly difficult task. Some often would say it the most difficult job title any of us will ever possess. Theres multiple things that makes this job so difficult, the beliefs that there's a "right and wrong way" of doing it, all the judgment we receive from parenting in a way that may not be the "social norm", for being different and taking on different and unpopular methods to the act of parenting, the way we ourselves was parented, and raised by our own parents, and we can go on and on. One of the best lessons I learned about parenting came from a researcher name Brenè Brown, basically her outlook on parenting says, and these are not her words just me summing up what I took from her words. Parenting is not so much about the act itself, when it comes to parenting you have to look at it under a different light, instead Of the light that says I must protect, and guard you from all of the harmful things that circulate in this world. Instead we must see parenting as, life is a journey, through the journey there will be many obstacles, good and bad things that you will encounter, you can't really avoid these things, I can't save you or protect you from all things, what I can do is promise to be there with you, to do the best I can to help you through any and everything. Realły that's what parenting is, it's not being king, and queen. It's not being the alpha, omega and seeing our children as some puppets that we have control over. Not saying that every parent take this approach, but rather knowingly or unknowingly we all do, we all do it with our children's best interest at heart, it almost human nature to want to protect and secure our kids from this crazy world, but what if I told you ultimately what you doing is probably doing more harm than good. No I'm not being hypocritical, just voicing an opinion. Parenting effectly-not right or wrong- means being human to are kids, we have to normalize ourselves, what do I mean? You have be okay with showing your children that your human, your not alpha king, your everything they our and you make mistakes, you experience a lot of the things that they have and will, good and bad, and this is how you overcame, or elevated your life through your experiences. The next paragraph will start the "parenting manifesto" it is meant to be a prayer, a meditation, a baseline in which I want to parent from. I interact with my kid everyday, so everyday I make sure I read this manifesto just to make sure I stay in line with my values as a parent.
{Above all else, I want you to know that you are loved and lovable. You will learn this from my words and actions—the lessons on love are in how I treat you and how I treat myself. I want you to engage with the world from a place of worthiness. You will learn that you are worthy of love, belonging, and joy every time you see me practice self-compassion and embrace my own imperfections. We will practice courage in our family by showing up, letting ourselves be seen, and honoring vulnerability. We will share our stories of struggle and strength. There will always be room in our home for both. We will teach you compassion by practicing compassion with ourselves first; then with each other. We will set and respect boundaries; we will honor hard work, hope, and perseverance. Rest and play will be family values, as well as family practices. You will learn accountability and respect by watching me make mistakes and make amends, and by watching how I ask for what I need and talk about how I feel. I want you to know joy, so together we will practice gratitude. I want you to feel joy, so together we will learn how to be vulnerable. When uncertainty and scarcity visit, you will be able to draw from the spirit that is a part of our everyday life. Together we will cry and face fear and grief. I will want to take away your pain, but instead I will sit with you and teach you how to feel it. We will laugh and sing and dance and create. We will always have permission to be ourselves with each other. No matter what, you will always belong here. As you begin your Wholehearted journey, the greatest gift that I can give to you is to live and love with my whole heart and to dare greatly. I will not teach or love or show you anything perfectly, but I will let you see me, and I will always hold sacred the gift of seeing you. Truly, deeply, seeing you.}
As parents it highly important that we take the pressure off ourselves, the pressures of being "the perfect" parent, getting everything exactly right. Truth is your not the perfect parent, your not the perfect person, because perfection does not exist and that's a GOOD THING. What's important is that your kids know this to be true, and you don't teach them the imperfect lesson of perfectionism. As my friend Brenè says "I’m not perfect and I’m not always right, but I’m here, open, paying attention, loving you, and fully engaged.” What's important when it come to parenting is that your open, vulnerable, and understanding of the experience your kids go through, even the bad ones when they misbehave and you have to let them know, No! Your not bad, you just did a bad thing, this why it's bad, and this is a better way to get the same outcome without the misbehaving behaviors. If ever you need to level yourself in parenting I think it's more important to ask yourself, not if I'm parenting right, but I'm I being the adult I want my kid to grow up to be?
There's something that I want to share with you all. As we all the know the time for voting has arrived. The fact that I DO NOT VOTE, gets me a lot of frowns, and criticism from friends, family and people whom I encountered in my everyday life. The fact that I do value SOME of you all opinions, I'm going to take the time out to express to everybody why I DO NOT VOTE.
So, there's a reason why I waited to after the polls open to share this with you all. Consider this my disclaimer; *This is BY NO MEANS an effort to change anybody's opinion, or judge anybody for exercising there right to vote.*
Back to the subject matter at hand; There's a couple reason why I DO NOT VOTE, one is my own reasoning and another I kind got help not coming up with, but just a validation to what I already felt, and knew to be true.
First, my reasoning for not voting come strictly from my belief system, which tells me this; The world was only built to last a certain amount of time, although nobody knows what that time frame is, look around and you'll see that the time is running out! Secondly, with the help of one of my favorite authors Brenè Brown I read something in a book of hers titled Daring Greatly. It's part of a section titled Disengagement Divide, and it highlights politics being a prime example. I'll just share the part in which relates to this;
-Here’s my theory: Disengagement is the issue underlying the majority of problems I see in families, schools, communities, and organizations and it takes many forms, including the ones we discussed in the “Armory” chapter. We disengage to protect ourselves from vulnerability, shame, and feeling lost and without purpose. We also disengage when we feel like the people who are leading us—our boss, our teachers, our principal, our clergy, our parents, our politicians—aren’t living up to their end of the social contract. Politics is a great, albeit painful, example of social contract disengagement . Politicians on both sides of the aisle are making laws that they’re not required to follow or that don’t affect them, they’re engaging in behaviors that would result in most of us getting fired, divorced, or arrested. They’re espousing values that are rarely displayed in their behavior. And just watching them shame and blame each other is degrading for us. They’re not living up to their side of the social contract and voter turnout statistics show that we’re disengaging.-
That small passage written by Brenè Brown validates, in a much more smarter way then I could, basically how i feel about the American government and is the root to which my first point originates from. So to all my weed smoking peers and family members who smoke weed, no I WILL NOT be VOTING to legalize it, that's like me voting for Barack Obama just cause he's half black...... Ooops, did I just give up the only means behind y'all voting for him!?!? I'm so NOT sorry.
